Some people …

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Mother’s Day …

My tribute to my mother is here:  https://playingfortimeblog.com/2013/05/08/a-mothers-day-tribute/

 

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A final thought along those lines …

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So, are you a people-pleaser?

Were you raised on a farm?  In a tiny town?  A metro area, but within a tight-knit neighborhood where people knew your business before you did?  Then you’re already on the same page with me.  If none of that fits you, I’m not sure I have enough words to explain it to you.

I was raised on a farm close to a tiny town that was one tight-knit neighborhood, and those people definitely knew my business.  All of it – some of which I never knew happened until I heard about it second-hand.

I’m sure it’ll shock you to know I grew up a people-pleaser from about Day One.  I wasn’t necessarily a Good Girl, but it was wildly important to me that people think I was — all those relatives and townspeople who were older than I, and whose lives I knew nothing about.  What a revelation when I grew up, left home, and started hearing the stories about THEM … of course, by then it was too late.

There’s also the unfortunate fact that a certain amount of suck-up-ish-ness seems to be genetically transmitted.  There were kids in school who couldn’t possibly have cared any less what some classmate or adult thought of them and the things they did.  It was “Get outta my way, I’m on a roll here.”  My guess is most of them ended up in politics.

I wanted to please my parents, my grandparents, my Sunday school teachers, my school teachers, I wanted to somehow please God, none of which is a bad thing.  But who was I?   I got married at 22 and was at least 50 before I stopped trying to make every word out of my mouth, every desire of my heart, every dream line up with what I thought my husband wanted.

After a few years of getting to know myself and realizing that I could trust my own thoughts, I met and married a man who also trusts my brain and loves every inch of me as is.  I mean it when I say it’s fun to be me.

Meanwhile, a bunch of years stacked up and now my driver’s license claims I’m 65, which is beyond ridiculous.  I don’t want to be old, so I’m not.  But I do love the freedom of not having to care whether or not people approve of who I am.  Tact is a valuable commodity and I don’t set out to antagonize anyone, but neither do I censor my convictions.  My ideas and beliefs are as legitimate as the next person’s.  It took me a lifetime to get here and I’m not going back.

I recently reduced my Facebook friends list from far too many to still almost too much.  Those who remain are either family or are there for every other possible reason.  They’ll stay or go, as they decide.  The me you see is the me I am, end of story.

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A Mother’s Day Tribute

Brought forward and adapted from my original blog …

My mom has been in my thoughts all week.  It probably doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that Sunday is Mother’s Day, but there it is.

 My mother was a complex contradiction in terms, as moms the world over tend to be.  She grew up all tomboy with six brothers and two sisters, while at the same time evolving into an indisputably voluptuous young woman.  She was born and raised in a small Kansas town, went to tiny schools, and was afforded the limited educational choices that generally attach to such an environment; but curiosity, intelligence, and EQ were in her DNA, so she was on a quest for learning from the start.

 Mother graduated high school and then earned what was known as an Emergency Teaching Certificate through a six-week course at the nearest state teachers’ college, 150 miles away.  This was during WWII and the times called for desperate measures.  At 18 years of age, she taught for one year in a country school where most of the older boys were taller than she.  Then she met my dad and that temporarily ended her teaching career.  She married a few months short of her 19th birthday, and three weeks shy of her 20th she delivered her first baby – me.

   Four more babies followed, one of whom she lost during delivery, and what with being a mother and a wife and filling countless other roles, she didn’t get around to college again for a decade and a half.  There was never a time, however, when she wasn’t reading at least two or three books and filling journals with her thoughts.

 Finally, when I was a junior in high school, she enrolled in the local community college and graduated with honors.  Then she went on to the local four-year college and matriculated with highest honors.  With those credentials she taught English, Drama and Yearbook for several years at the high school my siblings and I attended.  My two sisters and brother all experienced the genuine privilege of having her as a teacher.  Later, she taught EMR (old label which stood for Educable Mentally Retarded) classes, and was one of a handful of women who founded the Learning Co-op for this part of the state.  I was thoroughly immersed in my own life by then and didn’t keep up with everything she was doing, but I knew enough to be very proud of her.

 Somewhere in there, Mother earned a Master’s degree, and had family circumstances not intervened it’s highly probable she would have gone on to get a doctorate.

   Because of Mother’s love of learning and reading, my sisters and brother and I grew up in a household of books.  When we were little she spent a lot of time reading to us, and later on carted us to the Carnegie Library every week or so and let us choose our own stack of books to take home.  She had a small office filled with books, and her end of the couch was surrounded by yet more books and notebooks.  Each of us absorbed her priorities and ended up with our own love of reading and writing.

 Sadly, we had to say goodbye to our mother far too early.  A sudden heart attack took her from us when she was just 67 years old.  I often find myself wondering what she might be like now in her 80s, but I need only remember what her mother – my grandmother – was like into her 90s — beautiful, intelligent, interesting, kind, thoughtful, fun-loving and funny.  I miss them both,  and therein lies another story ….

Mommy & Me on Mother's Day

Mommy & Me on Mother’s Day

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Get over it …

“Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something; forgiveness, however, is for those who are substantial enough to move on.”

― Criss Jami,
In Every Inch In Every Mile

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Love the wine you’re with!

Photo by Kim Smith

Love the Wine You're With

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It’s the little things …

Daily Prompt: Describe a little thing — one of the things you love that defines your world but is often overlooked.

 

The freshly-ground coffee my husband makes every morning before my eyes are open.

That oversize steaming mug, delivered with a kiss.

Hot showers, satisfying work, the quiet rhythm of my house.

Music, music, music, under over around all of life.

Joy because this:  My husband.  My son.

The little things are the big things and there could never be just one.

 

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/05/03/daily-prompt-little-things/

 

Grateful for “the helpers” …

Perfect morning for a walk — it wasn’t very exercise-y, but the mild temps and light breeze made strolling, stopping for a sit on most of the benches along the way, looking at the geese in the meadow and turtles in the ponds, and talking, talking, talking an exercise in true happiness.  My steady-as-a-rock-through-anything husband listened to the litany of blues that have buried me since yesterday … lent perspective as only he can do … made me throw back my head and laugh … and as always, the light changed, even just a little.  Thank you, babe.

And this was at the top of my Facebook news feed when I sat down in my office …

 

Just stop

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And really …

In the End

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The gift of sight …

Georgia O'Keeffe

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I don’t ask for much …

"She did not need much, wanted very little.
 A kind word, sincerity, fresh air, clean water,
   a garden, kisses, books to read, sheltering arms,
   a cozy bed, and to love and be loved in return."

~Starra Neely Blade

SaturYAY!

It’s interesting to realize that even for two people who are without adult supervision and making it up every day as they go, the weekends still have their own special rhythm.  Saturday mornings continue to hold the extra buzz of knowing the day is fully ours even before we open our eyes.  The other days too, but the unique freedom of the weekend is imprinted on our psyches after all our years in the work force.

Saturday in good weather is a day for taking the recycle bins to the drop-off station … working in the yard … watching televised sports.  But first comes The Breakfast – Kim’s unmatched rendition of eggs and hash browns, followed by a long soak in the hot-tub and nonstop free-wheeling conversation.

And then Sunday morning dawns. Sundays are full of music and books and walks, and all the conversation and laughter two people can share.   Sundays are about feeling safe and quiet and loved.  Sundays are so sweet that we find ourselves wanting to postpone Monday mornings!   Silly us …

What counts …

Whatever your mindset, philosophy, religion or faith, most things can be reduced to this …

The Questions

 

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Speaking of tolerance …

An observation:  In my dotage, my willingness to suffer fools gladly, tolerate deliberate obtuseness, subscribe to another person’s take on truth, and tightly censor myself seems to be slipping away.  I still remember how to do all that … I’m just losing my willing spirit.  Life is too short for endless suffocating banality.

Another observation:  The most annoyingly off-base people seem to possess not a shred of self-doubt.

And another:  It does no good to harbor hurt feelings over the thoughtlessness of other people — they’re simply wrapped up in doing the same thing I am … living life.  Okay, okay … so now we’ve come full circle.  Maybe I should put on my adult-size girlie undies and deal with it.

forget what hurt you

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