A Time for Truthiness

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I do seem to be gone. But not for good. Don’t you go away forever either, friends, I would miss you terribly. Fall will happen, it always does, and we will be right again, and be human together. Be safe ’til then…

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Such nonsense…

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It’s Saturday again, best day of the week except for Sunday. Cool, sunny, messy bed, everything the way we left it last night. In a word perfect. After an early breakfast Kim rode his bike to PickleBall, came back to get his truck, went to the nursery in NoLaw for bedding plants, now he’s home playing guitar.

In case you’re curious as to the whereabouts of our narrator while all this was going on, she’s been at her computer trying to figure out where sadness comes from. I mean, with life staying basically beautiful day after day, why sadz?

I saw a picture a friend posted today of a gorgeous ginger biddy hen on the porch of a weathered old house and the tears started. What’s up with that? Maybe partly the memories of a one-time farm-girl-farm-wife, turning maudlin old biddy hen herself, but I’m curious about what else tripped the melancholy since it happens fairly often lately.

There are days when the smallest trigger reduces me to ruins, and others when everything, no matter how heavy, leaves me cold. Should I seek counseling yet? Disclaimer: It might be a waste – I just might not do a thing they told me, out of stubbornness.

I could sit here all day on a truly perfect April Saturday with tears running down my cheeks and no real idea why they’re there. But being a sensible person at heart (is that an oxymoron, I wonder?) the thing to do … since it’s after 1pm … is probably … to get in the shower and clean up my act.

Because … a totally not-sad part of the day is still out there, guaranteed, and I know that she who snoozes … loozes. Crying itself can be a form of losing and it isn’t a good look for maudlin old biddies, at any rate.

Have a sweet weekend, boys and girls, and if the tears fall, don’t ask too many hard questions of them. Let them do their work, sit still in whatever quiet is available to you, enjoy the sunshine if it blesses you, it’s a pretty good world if we stay willing to connect with it. 💋

Photo Belongs to The Root Connection

 

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Let the good rain down…

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What’s a dark rainy morning good for besides almost everything…

…good for listening to the drops against the windows…watching the neighborhood dissolve into a distorted river…sitting in the dim quiet of my house and thinking Zen (as opposed to anguished) thoughts…warming my hands on my favorite tea mug…writing words and bantering with friends…and maybe, possibly, crying just a little.

 

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Blue-gray Saturdays…

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gray flannel morning

melancholy permeates

in here and out there

JSmith 09/16/2017

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Break-time…

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weekends feel dif’rent

even for retired kiddos

neutral is the gear

JSmith 07/29/2017

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Loving ALL THE THINGS…

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farmers market day

white tents filled with food and drink

and flowers too because life

JSmith 06/10/2017

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Life is so random…

…and it’s been astonishingly blatant about it lately. There’s never a shortage of life issues to ponder, but when events beyond my nose spiral out of control the issues proliferate. Pardon me while I overthink a few things…

ON DIETING: What’s the point? If I can improve my health, great. If I really do lose pounds, fabulous. I’ve done it, it’s a familiar circus, and I’ll likely do it some more times, but therein lies the problem – I’m a repeat offender. It doesn’t really stick, and for me it’s because it’s unnatural – I know what I like, and the minute somebody says I can’t eat that my body goes into rebellion. It’ll drop a certain number of pounds for me, but it’s merely biding its time until the stuff I really want comes back. Also, at this point I’m consistently ignoring all studies proving this or that food substance will kill me – I’m getting there anyway so let me enjoy my life on the way.

ON AGE SPOTS: It’s only a matter of time before the brown patches on my face that look like small continents merge to form a whole and make me look permanently tanned. Might be okay. Meanwhile I’m using apple cider vinegar like an astringent because it’s rumored to fade age spots, never mind that I smell suspiciously douchey for the first hour or so.

ON THE CURRENT CLIMATE: It’s a challenge to live every day in a heightened state of awareness – I’m as tired at night as if I’d been doing hard labor. It’s an accepted fact that stress of that kind is unhealthy long-term, so I take joy in being good to myself in as many ways as I can think of, and it helps. I hope you’re doing the same – life goes by quickly and there are no do-overs unless you believe in reincarnation, which is a whole other conversation…

That’s random enough for now – and you just realized you’ll never get the last five minutes back. 😄

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“You’re faking it…”*

 

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Thursday was amazing – from morning ’til night I stayed busy with stuff people all over the civilized world do every day and never think twice about. Rolled out of bed at 8:00, had some coffee, got dressed, slapped a cap on my wild head, and strolled over to the barbershop, a distance of half a block plus an alley. After all that dedication on my part, my girl Shelby wasn’t in yet, so I turned myself right around and trekked back home.

Took a shower and spent the morning writing at my computer. After Kim got home from PickleBall we had lunch at Five Guys, went to Target where only he went in, stopped at the dry cleaners, Kim again, and he dropped me off for my haircut, after which I walked the block and an alley home again. Played on my computer a while, did a load of laundry, policed some clutter. Around 3:00 we went south again to Cielito Lindo, which sits that one alley I mentioned short of the barbershop, for Margaritas, chips & salsa, and forbidden queso. We were home and entertaining each other on our own balcony by 5:00, and asleep early, as in by 9:30pm.

That was a big ol’ mess of trivia and why in the everloving did I bother sharing it, you ask? Only because, since no good deed (or day) goes unpunished I woke up at 3am in full-on fibro meltdown. To expound on the symptoms would turn this into a whine, just know that I paid big for the best day I’ve had in quite a while, and that this is the sort of price extracted from anyone out there with an autoimmune disfunction who’s bold enough to enjoy what’s in front of them once in a while. You can say I overdid it, but if you read back through and pick out the action words you can see that it was well-paced and carefully done and didn’t amount to all that much. At no time did pain tell me to sit down and shut up, so I rambled around in the sunshine behaving like a real person just for shits & giggles. The 3am message was “Hey, girl,” sounding nothing at all like Ryan Gosling, “you thought that regular stuff was for you. Haha, so sorry.”

The good news, because who can’t always use some, is that Friday was the only lost day this time, down from an average three. Tells me we’re on the right track with Ken & The Lymph Nodes, and that makes me happy.

The reason I’m taking the time to blog about this is that the thinly-veiled scorn that ends up out there on the backs of people who can scarcely spare the energy to deal with it is grating and I hurt on their behalf. Whatever people might say about me is none of my business, but ignorant digs at friends and family don’t go unnoticed, so I choose to fly my educator flag occasionally.

It’s all so simple – if you haven’t experienced or been diagnosed with an illness that for some reason annoys you in others then you don’t have a platform, so this is not your circus, it’s okay to wander off and take care a’ bidness, maybe contribute to the greater good through kindness or tolerance, something like that. Fibromyalgia is an invisible disease that affects 100% of the body, so you can feel really good about cutting people slack, in fact that’s your mission today should you choose to accept it.

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*Don’t read past this point unless you’re in the mood for naked truth…

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#saturdaymorning #notwhining #Fibromyalgia

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Just get through it…

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days informed by pain

must be survived in one piece

life takes a back seat

JSmith 02/11/2016

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Facts of Life

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move it or lose it

the experts are not kidding

leaves not to return

JSmith 02/04/2017

 

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Random free-time calisthenics…

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  • How could a girl be anything but happy when a beautiful man plays guitar several hours a day in their shared space? That’s just silly to contemplate.
  • A potential unforeseen consequence of painting a silver head of hair with reddish-brown streaks (billed as mahogany) is that one could appear to have been beaten mercilessly about the head and shoulders with a flail. Not likely, but possible, and worth considering in advance.
  • Long overdue tasks like cleaning the screens on all your toys takes mere seconds once finally begun, but the existential lift it provides can’t be measured. Ah, those smooooth, silky, flawless surfaces. You must never touch them again.
  • Ridding one’s environs of prodigious amounts of needless accumulation is euphorically cathartic. If only it were a long-term high, but – sweet while it lasts.
  • Without the distraction of social media during every waking hour it’s surprisingly easy to pay bills in a timely fashion and keep a steady supply of clean underwear stacked in the dresser drawers. Who knew?
  • Also when you do three years’ worth of work in two days, you come face to face with the possibility that you could be a whiney-ass malingerer because look at what you can do if you really want/need to.
  • When you can’t get out of bed the next morning you remember why you  keep a mental list of limitations, but it’s so worth it you don’t even care for once.
  • Saturday Trivia: My iPad is currently home to a library of 318 books, all of them quality and most of them acquired free or for a dollar or two on BookBub over the past five years or so. When space is at a premium but you can’t survive without books it’s the only way to go. Or, you know, there’s always the City Library. {Smacks self in forehead.}
  • When you play a Rubik’s Cube-like game on your phone during all those moments away from home when you’d otherwise be checking Facebook, you get pretty dang cagey at it. I think it’s called counterbalance. Or trading one addiction for another – yeah, probably that one.
  • There have been only a handful of weekends over the last twelve years when Kim hasn’t made his Saturday Breakfast, and in all that time, including this morning, the quality, flavors, and presentation haven’t varied except to get even better. Aroma, too, which is calling my name as we speak. Gotta go have some more of that slooow food with the love cooked in.
  • Happy Weekend to all of you. Be sure you’re making time work for you and not the other way around.

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But there must be something…

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so much hurt and pain

you have to walk away now

you can’t save the world

JSmith 01/28/2017

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The only safety…

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when someone loves you

your name feels safe in their mouth

your heart is their gem

JSmith 11/19/2016

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Safety that counts…

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being seen and heard

gifts to those we meet in life

gifts of wings and joy

JSmith 11/19/2016

 

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Suspense, you’re killing me…

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the hours pass snail-like

finish line is close at hand

we will all survive

JSmith 11/05/2016

 

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