“What I Did This Summer” …

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Once in a while, in the middle of an ordinary day, a creative muse joins the chat, a plan is born, and takes on a life of its own. John and I were texting a few weeks ago when we both alluded to the fact that it had been a while since we’d laid eyes and hugs on each other. His life as an oncology RN keeps him either working 12-hour shifts, traveling to conferences, taking much-needed days off, or escaping the country altogether for a few days of decompression. My life as a retiree keeps me doing the usual, as little of it as possible, eating well, and surviving in my own bubble. Time to shake it up a little. He said “Why don’t you come down here for your birthday?” And then, “As it turns out I have the 3rd through the 7th off.” Well, there we go, who could doubt the stars were aligning?

It was all a little spur-of-the-moment, so Kim and I didn’t sweat the details. He bought a couple of shirts and a pair of jeans, shopping done, ready to go. I ordered a few things online, some of which at this point may or may not arrive before Christmas, but no problem.

It’s said that getting there is half the battle, and that’s certainly true of air travel. With things as they currently exist in the greater world, we weren’t entirely cranked about the thought of flying, so we looked into taking Amtrak just for grins. Watch the countryside go by, get up and walk around, all that. Long story to a screeching halt, it’s ten times the cost of two round-trip plane tickets, and that particular trip takes 52 hours because it goes first to Chicago, then Virginia, THEN Atlanta, changing trains at each stop.

We hadn’t flown anywhere since before COVID but we quickly understood that the experience hasn’t evolved upward in that time. We’d done all the preliminaries from home and weren’t checking any bags, so the process in Kansas City’s shiny new airport was seamless. But ah, my sweet summer child, we were just getting started. I walk around with the perpetual sense that I’ve lost ten years somewhere, which turns out to be a true statement, all facts considered, and never have I been so validated in that misperception as when we stepped onto our outbound plane. It seemed half as wide as I remembered, with just enough room to get through the aisle. Every seat was eventually occupied, which may be the only way they fly now, and that long skinny cylinder looked ponderously full of humanity. I don’t recall planes roaring like wind tunnels throughout the flight. On the other hand, there are likely MANY things I don’t recall. It’s a fact, though, that the seats are being evermore squished together from every angle, and on this plane they didn’t recline by so much as an inch. However, there’s always a good side: It’s less than a 2-hour flight.

And then there’s the REALLY happy stuff… the rest of the trip was a little piece of heaven. John was there to meet us at Hartsfield-Jackson at the top of the giant escalator and we picked up where we left off last time we saw him, which was here in Lawrence. His place and his presence are both very soothing and just what this mom needed. And those hugs are lifegiving. We love his neighborhood and Kim enjoys his early-morning walks there. It always feels sweet to be back in the gentle Southern air and eavesdrop a little on the hum of conversation with its softer cadences and easy flow.

John drove us around his part of the metro area to show us what’s new since last time we were there, and he took us to a gigantic farmers market that, counting the parking lot, takes up a city block, with more building expansion planned. The comprehensive variety of foodstuffs is staggering. There isn’t an official accounting of all the various ethnic and cultural groups represented in the Atlanta Metro area, but they seem to be well-served by the market, which is open seven days a week. It’s housed in an enormous metal building, with people constantly restocking the shelves and long tables with every kind of meat, fish, poultry, seafood, vegetable, fruit, seed, nut, spice, and bread you can imagine from around the world, and many things you may not have known existed. It was an experience that will stay with us for all the reasons, all of them positive.

Since one thing every city has is restaurants, we had fun going with John to a tiny handful of his favorites, including Mellow Mushroom across the street from his place, and his favorite neighborhood Waffle House, staffed by terrific women who call him by name when he comes in. We were able to share food and drink with several different friends, some of whom we’ve known ALmost as long as he has, some new, and each one helped me celebrate my birthday by adding to the goodness of it. To one friend who will likely see this… the soft pink throw saved my life on the flight home. Thx to you I didn’t freeze to death, love you!!

The best day was the one before we came home because the three of us spent the whole day just hanging out in John’s loft, being slugs while we talked about the “trivial” to the momentous and back again. NOTE TO SELF: Always include enough time. Always.

**

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In a world of Type A’s, be like Kim, who has yet to meet an electric bike he didn’t like…

**

And then it was time to do the whole thing in reverse, which involves goodbyes, of course. John graciously delivered us back to Hartsfield-Jackson before dawn’s butt-crack, thus leaving him the rest of the day to himself. I need to ask him if he went to see his ladies at Waffle House, who, by the way, serve a wicked breakfast and coffee that rivals Kim’s. And they kinda make you feel loved in the process.

Two words: Pre Coffee

I’ll keep this brief. Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport covers 4,700 acres and it’s entirely possible that we walked every one of them, as our gate seemed to be at the farthest end from the center point you could go. Next time I’ll put in a request for one of their spiffy wheelchairs with the warning flag attached. I could have used it. On the other hand, I proved to myself that I’m not done yet, hopefully not by a long shot. Onward.

**

So now we’re home and everything survived without us. It rained enough to keep the plants going and the mourning doves are hatching another pair of chicks. It took 24 hours for word to get around, but the wrens, finches, and sparrows are back in droves, loading up at the feeder. I’ve had a week to let my bones and other parts recover and I’d do it all over again next week… because it seems like a dream!

Since we’re here for the foreseeable, I’m sayin’ …

**

And this is still my mantra all week…

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A closing thought influenced by our recent Southern sojourn…

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A timely memory!

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From 2024, for the dot-connecting.

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Processing… processing…

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From the archives…

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Housekeeping…

***

I opened my eyes this morning and found myself, in the immortal words of Ulla Inka Hansen Benson Yansen Tallen Hallen Swadon Swanson, in the mood to “tidy-oop” a little. And if you’ve somehow missed The Producers in your lifetime, watch it posthaste, you’ll thank me for the reference.

Speaking of tidying accumulated detritus, what I’ve observed about computer files over time is that they are faithful to their calling which is to fill themselves to capacity with things no one will ever need again. Ever. But MIGHT just… so therein lies the dilemma. I can’t simply let them go, despite an experienced knowledge of how this works, so I’m tossing this batch into your court, do with it as you may. I’ll yield to the inner compunction to share it, then immediately throw it in the bin. Heartlessly, I assure you.

**

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And a couple from the realists…

*

Sadness and anger are cousins and can exist simultaneously with all the other human emotions. There are no Get Out of (Existential) Jail Free cards.

**

There’s so much sadness and anger intermingled in this one it’s hard to process. Incredibly, this is what a massive part of The People’s House looks like now, before it gets even worse. And no one bothered to get clearance for ANY of it.

***

My heart hurts for everybody younger than 60 (as well as everyone older than 60), because every generation since the Boomers (mine) has believed deep down that there’s no rosy future for anyone of any age anymore. That’s a bleak outlook to base a lifetime on, and not fair… but I’ve never heard anyone say life’s designed to be fair. I do especially feel for the kids coming out of high school this year, the college grads, the people who need to be ready to take over from us, the certified elderly, and steer the country away from the cliffs. Again. Some more. The youthful ones who traditionally lace up their boots and implement plans formulated by old men in windowless rooms who are basically immune to the downsides. And those old men and women have to get a clue and retire because for the most part they’ve lost the plot and aren’t keeping up with what time inevitably delivers. Life is entirely about change. That’s an immutable fact and it’s pointless to laugh in the face of reality.

Meanwhile, those high school and college “kids,” what ABOUT them? Who and what are they supposed to believe and internalize? What kind of society is being built via all these mixed messages? What sort of adults are under construction as we speak? And who shoulders responsibility if it all turns to quicksand under our feet?

*

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Which brings us full circle to an important truth…

**

*

It’s a beautiful day.

Find someone to be nice to.

Smile a little or a lot.

Keep your powder dry

and work with what ya’ got.

[I may have just written a pome.]

***

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This is for the birds…

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For the first time in several summers we don’t have a pair of nesting doves keeping us company on the balcony, so Kim decided to feed the East Lawrence forest instead. The treats were out for less than a day before word got around the neighborhood, “Hey, guys, they have black sunflower seeds up there!” so it’s working out swimmingly. Kim adds seed mix to the saucer repeatedly throughout the day, and he’s been patiently sweeping the deck every evening. Yesterday he let the saucer run empty and then we watched as the regulars came in and picked the floor almost clean as well, so yeah, even better. They make the same mess whether the saucer is on the table or the floor, so letting them police themselves in the name of sustenance seems only right.

A question for whatever hive mind may exist: Is it a law of the universe that once a person passes the 75-year line in the sand, they are hormonally required to develop a sudden awareness of and connection with the bird world? There are two of us here, one as absorbed and engrossed as the other, so it isn’t just a little old lady thing. I have theories but I’d rather see some feedback from anyone reading. Why this particular interest during this particular decade? What draws us to these small creatures? What is this sweet love we feel for them and their utterly helpless offspring?

We get an amazing number of visitors in a day’s time, comin’ in hungry. Then they likely all fly home to fill the craws of waiting babies, back and forth endlessly until they kick the progeny out to fend for themselves. We see doves, house wrens, sparrows, and other tiny feathered guys we haven’t ID’d from images yet. So far, the wrens and other littles are too skittish for pictures – they dart away the instant they detect motion – but Kim’s gotten other good shots.

A mourning dove getting right to the business at hand.

**

None of them have any table manners to speak of but at least there have been no gang fights.

There’s water as well, and they drink a lot of it some days.

And then there’s THIS guy, whom we’d never seen up close and personal before. He’s likely a Swainson’s hawk, and he’s several times bigger than any of our regulars. By which I mean he’s 18 to 20″ long and has a 46 to 54″ wingspan when fully grown. Google paints him as somewhat benevolent concerning baby birds, but I’d trust that assessment only so far. Fun to see him this close, though.

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There’s a lot to like.

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I MAY have thoughts…

***

Boys and girls, time rushes on and in one more month we’ll be at the midpoint of a year we couldn’t envision starting in the first place. Much against our hopes and dreams it’s been a ride that never stops, so we just keep hanging on, because what else?

**

To my great sorrow, the writing has dried up to just a thought or two here and there, without the energy to capture any of it. Either everything that can be said has been said, or there’s no way to say it. Small talk feels phony in light of daily reality, even if I were to think of worthwhile things to share with you.

Oh, but here’s something! Yesterday I got to spend a few minutes with two of the most amazing little girls I’ve ever met. Sisters, very close in age, and full of life in a way I needed to sit with at that moment. The BIG sister, at all of two & a half, quietly recognizes all the letters of the alphabet and can count to ten or twenty (my brain was buzzing so I’m not sure), and I found myself wishing I could ask her for a little advice on living a joy-filled existence!

Other than that…

**

A total lifesaver at this juncture is my trainer, Shannon. The more we work on strength, balance, and simply moving, the better life feels. With the weather MAYBE settling in, my future days should feature a whole bunch of walking. Watch this space.

**

We could all give it a try and compare notes!

I’m deliberately refraining from bringing up anything TOO controversial, except here’s something that seems applicable on this sunny Sunday morning…

**

The day happened around me and I slipped away, but I’m back now with a positive and colorful word for all of us. It’s the little things.

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Month by month…

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Abundant August rains have brought us to a lush September, and fall should be a show of color. I love all of autumn but I may be prejudiced toward the month of September since it contains my birth date (today) so just know I’m doing some extra thinking. I staggered into a Facebook site last week called WDNC, populated by women WhoDoNotCare, and it’s as therapeutic as you might already imagine. In that vein and a spirit of celebration:

IDNC that I’ve never, in all these years, managed to fit the mold. Full disclosure, I still don’t even know where and what it is, so I guess that gives us the pertinent information right there, hm.

IDNC that on the little things I’m wrong more often than right, that’s just bad luck. On the BIG things I’m far more often right.

IDNC that I alone can say what qualifies as large or small in life.

There are many things I genuinely no longer care about and most of them are things I should never have cared about at all, so passing birthdays are good for perspective and a few other concepts like longevity, which reminds me… I’m not old. Not yet. Both of my grandmothers saw 96 with their minds in working order and I call that incentive. My mom had me in the same September in which she turned 20, so I always knew exactly how old she was. This year she would be 98 and likely still wouldn’t be “old,” so there’s some more perspective.

**

The state of human existence being what it is, I offer one piece of advice from this vantage point: Whatever it is, do it NOW.

*

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And everybody still gets one special birthday wish, right?

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Totally random…

***

Soooo, we’re into yet another new month, for good or ill. It’s still summer, it’s still gonna be hot, and the world is still in a wackadoodle state of mind, but happy August, boys and girls, the countdown to Christmas has begun.

Our summer skies have been just this side of eerie, and I finally realized that we were getting smoke from Canada’s fires. At times we can smell it in the air and it hangs heavy over the river. This is fair trade, considering that Canadians must feel like they’re living in an apartment above a meth lab most of the time. Thank you for your grace, northern neighbors.

It’s been a summer sprinkled with small discoveries of great import. I learned that choosing a new doctor just might provide fascinating (i.e. life or death) tidbits concerning certain meds and their dosages. I am now acing the test on that chapter. A second discovery has to do with people and their faces. Most everyone with distinctive features reminds me of someone else, and I finally realized it’s because I’ve been roaming the earth long enough to have seen those features in endless combinations on a never-ending succession of faces, thus making them all seem somehow familiar. It’s comforting except when it isn’t. Full disclosure, there are a few faces I’d rather not see again in this lifetime.

A key summer discovery was that coffee and herbal tea are not the same animal, and that caffeine has much more to say to me on a daily basis than I knew. Got a wild hair to see if I might feel more serene internally without the influence of coffee, so I quit cold turkey. Started drinking a delicious herbal tea. Felt somehow healthier. Cleaner. Let’s face it, righteous. By the time I’d slept away five afternoons in succession I was pretty disillusioned about the whole thing, so caffeine it is, at least for now, just less of it. I am not above accepting a little help with daily living.

**

These are hard times, so do what you can to entertain joy, which is mostly found in the simple things. Good coffee, lovely tea, excellent food, kind and astute friends, love shared… it’s all joy. And there are always flowers somewhere.

“Wildflowers” by Aoife Dowd, Irish artist. Oil on canvas.

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Seems like just yesterday…

Photo by Kim Smith 07/2025

***

This week we’re celebrating our 21st wedding anniversary, a number that might confound the skeptics but makes us happy. Yesterday we had lunch in the Rozelle Room in the Nelson Atkins Museum of Art in Kansas City, a space that lends itself to retrospection… perspective… and projection. I wondered out loud if we might have another 21 years in us and neither of us laughed, so we’ll see. I’d be 99 years old and Kim would still be the kid he’s always been, but what’s life without the challenges, right?

**

**

The Rozelle Room. It’s casually elegant and the museum is a 3-day experience, so we’ll be going back soon. Yesterday we primarily saw the Egyptian exhibition and the one for Photography, half of which is currently closed for renovations. It’s a pretty wonderful place and good for getting steps in if you’re counting.

So… starting on the next twenty. Can’t wait.

**

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Fractured fairytales…

***

Once upon a time, strange as it may sound, Christmas happened in a world that wasn’t ready for it, making things discombobulated and odd from the start of the season. Planet LOOK.AT.US. was out of sorts and feeling aloof from the whole affair. Things were not right in the kingdom and no one knew how to fix it. Such a different holiday it was shaping up to be, with far too much sadness in the mix.

But wait… since the task of Christmas is to lighten hearts and gladden the soul, I must give you, instead, the story of The Four Farmer’s Daughters… have you heard this one? Get another cup of coffee and pull up a chair, it goes like this:

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Things that matter…

***

Holidays are hard. There… I said it. As kids we rarely pick up on the nuances of family gatherings, we’re just there to see our cousins and eat fun stuff. And then life changes, as it is wont to do, and we learn how to celebrate on a different scale, how to hold room for our memories and feelings, how to appreciate everything. It’s a lot.

Some years ago we stopped trying to live up to the noisy food-laden holidays of yore and brought the house down a little with simple, and simply wonderful, comfort food, the National Dog Show, football, the chill weather, and much laughter. So as it turns out life is in great part about taming expectations. Kim and Rita cook and bicker in the kitchen while I keep myself available for mindless tasks, and behold, a luscious meal appears. It works seamlessly, and we’re appropriately thankful for various things all day, no stress required. I love it. The mood couldn’t be more comfortable.

Still. Our hearts remember the old times, and we think of them as having been magical… everybody happy and full of love, hugs all around, nothing but peace and goodwill. With everything hanging in the balance this year, we yearn for the unity and unconditional love we think we remember, and we try to go back to a place that was never really there… kind of like Brigadoon. Silly us.

If you’re still with me, thank you for indulging this minor fit of melancholy, which I shall now attempt to put back in the box with the double-secret code on the lock. Nobody needs that stuff on a day we’re just grateful to spend together, alive and well, so tomorrow will be about the right-now, the life we have, and the people we love.

I wish the same for you, complete with everything you need.

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‘Twas brillig and the slithy toves…

***

Now that Jabberwocky has been anointed king, we must familiarize ourselves with the language and culture that attaches thereto, by which I mean catch up or get trampled. This is a new thing, a “fresh” experience, a mystery ride… are we buckled up?

In the aftermath of the election, a lot of us are still caught in that “a second plane just hit” moment of cognition, staring at the smoking ruins and silently thinking about our short list of options. Mexico’s newly-installed woman president has said that Americans are welcome in their expat communities, but that if somebody here sends them 200,000 Mexicans they’ll send an equal number of Americans the other direction across the border. Obviously turnabout is fair play, and why would Americans simply be accepted at face value after turning most of the nonWhite world away? Are we special or something? Moving sounds a little iffy for personal reasons, and I’m not real cranked on giving up my right to live here to a bunch of bullies anyway. They filed for divorce, why should WE move out? I saw yesterday, though, that Americans are fleeing the country like the “vermin from within” that we’ve been labeled, and I wish them nothing but positive results, it’s just that I think I’m too tired to follow them, depending on how this goes. I do know the survival instinct is strong. So, yeah… thx for listening.

I was reminded this week that during the COVID pandemic I used this blog to document the daily journey, and now I’m slipping into journal mode for the current trip into the unknown. Just a heads-up on that, although I write for me so it is what it is.

So… after the heavy silence that followed the voting, we’re starting to get a look at the “team” at the top, and here are just a few highlights:

  • Attorney General: Matt Gaetz, who was under investigation for sex trafficking until his nomination
  • HHS Secretary: Robert F. Kennedy Jr., whose views on both health and humans are bizarre at best
  • Defense Secretary: Pete Hegseth, a “television presenter” for the FOX network, who will no doubt be brilliant with all those thorny defense issues
  • Secretary of Homeland Security: Kristi Noem, who rewards lack of obedience with a bullet
  • Director of National Intelligence: Tulsi Gabbard, friend and possible side piece to Vlad, and challenge to the term “intelligence”
  • Department of Government Efficiency: Elon Musk AND Vivek Ramaswamy, otherwise known as the Department of Redundancy Department
  • Deputy Chief of Staff for Policy and Homeland Security Adviser: Stephen Miller, who stands alone in the lineup for his ability to morph from Jewish human to Nazi

Can you say kakistocracy, boys and girls?

noun

  • a state or society governed by its least suitable or competent citizens.

**

The Former Guy is either baffling us with bullshit to keep us from noticing that Elon bought in as co-president, or he’s hoping everyone will be so inept he’ll look like a genius by comparison, then he can fire them and run it all himself, or quite likely both. None of which takes into account what the voices in his head will be telling him by inauguration time, so as I said up there somewhere, it’s gonna be a trip.

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And so, let the great world turn…

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Nothing puts us in our place quicker than events over which we have zero control, so those are the most disheartening and therefore damaging. Things happen, we register the shock to our psyches, and then, because we’re human and it’s in us, we start trying to process the whole thing. Unfortunately in this case (post-election) there are big chunks missing from the narrative, unwieldy boxes full of things we don’t know, power loose in places we’ve underestimated, so we’re left to piece together the governmental and societal cataclysm that’s been set in motion, one which will eventually change every aspect of life in our nation if allowed to run unchecked. Figuring out exactly what’s happened to us and what the everliving hell we can do about it is like assembling a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle in the dark.

We don’t know how deep and wide the corruption is, but apparently it’s become the end-all-be-all entity in this situation, and we regular peons have no weapon against a concerted determination toward total control. Lots of “regular peons” are actually saying they WANT to be ruled, WANT to be told what to do, and we’ll see how long that attitude holds. Those same regulars think they’ll be immune to the downside of oligarchy, and that’s just sadly laughable. We aren’t all in the same boat, but we’re all floating on the same crowded pond.

I’m not old, but at 77 most young people (under 30) would consider me ancient. Still, I have yet to make any such noises as: “life’s too hard, I’ve been here long enough, time for me to shuffle off to Buffalo and leave it to the kids,” because I’m not finished living. Somewhere along the way I asked for a long life, and I did at the same time think to ask that my life not turn ugly and scary before it reaches its end, but here we are, we rarely get everything we ask for.

If we survive this era, it will be because we remembered how to love and care for each other. What I’ve seen to this point makes me a skeptic. Prove me wrong, world.

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Something Americans traditionally have a difficult time with.

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Your life, my life, the life of the nation. We’re really here.

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The way we look to a distant constellation…

***

You know… if we hang around long enough in life it’s possible to learn a lot and pick up crucial perspective in the process. Some of the lessons are painfully, embarrassingly slow… some hit us between the eyes and demand immediate remedy. Life isn’t always a supreme challenge, but I admit to being shocked by how consistently it’s the same ol’ stuff over and over ad infinitum. This year has brought a succession of skin cancer surgeries, the most recent of which is still receiving scar therapy from the comforts of home. Other physical taunts, presumably related to the aging structure inside this skin suit, have raised their cheeky cries for attention to such an extent that I’m getting used to them, while not thrilled by their existence.

I’ve recently been reminded that some twenty-five years or more ago I watched my dad’s first cataract surgery on closed-circuit TV in Garden City, Kansas, with pioneer in the field Dr. Luther Fry, whose techniques at the time were cutting edge.

This week it was my turn and the technology has only improved by leaps and bounds since my experience with my dad. One eye down, second next week, followed by weeks of light therapy to fine-tune my vision. Meanwhile, until at least past Christmas, it’s my job to keep sunlight from invading my eyeballs, which in a 4th-floor loft with top-to-bottom east-facing windows is a challenge. The wooden blinds leave lots of leeway for sunshine, so until the sun makes it past the peak of our building every morning I’m schlepping around in here in my Official Old Person Post-Surgical Giant Black Glasses. I know Karma when I see it so I’m sure this is payback for all the times my friends and I giggled about the sweet lil’ oldies in their Double-Secret Agent glasses, but this seems a little excessive since our intentions were pure.

Everything feels slightly discombobulated at present, which will pass. The operative eye is nearly clear 3rd day post-op, but I’m caught between glasses and no glasses, so neither eye is 100% at the moment. Stuff that lands on the floor has to stay there unless I want to do deep-knee bends, which would no doubt benefit my skeleton. There’s laundry waiting to be folded, and my desk is looking very lived-in, but I can’t be bothered. I’ll get to it all when the disorientation fades a little more.

Our eyes and the rest of our senses are too precious for words, as are the brilliant dedicated people who help us keep them for as long as possible, which prompts an astounding realization: Somehow we humans have managed over eons to fashion a world that’s more good than bad, more joy than sorrow, more sweet than sour. Mostly. Sort of. Anyway, all things considered, it’s a place I’m not pining to leave, and I’m looking forward to seeing everything these eyes have been missing along the way lately.

Okay, having reached my max word-count on NICE, here’s this…

Truth.

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