Summertime, and the livin’ is…

***

Summer is still officially fifteen days away, but evidence shows that it’s already in town for early rehearsals, with days in the 80s and 90s and a possible rain break in the mix. The good news for solitary me is that my calendar between now and July holds not a single appointment thus far. Visually that looks like a gift, a solid block of peace. What will I do with all that time… clean, organize, write, walk, go hug my sister, read, all of the above? Yes, and beyond that we’ll see, won’t we.

Last week was a slow one in some ways, but life is never not happening. I kicked a couple of things to the curb, thus improving my general outlook, and got through the days with a minimum of drama, always a good thing. In the course of all that, I saved a few graphics for you, beginning with the theatre aspect.

**

If you’re pretending to be happy, let’s talk.

I know I’ve lately bemoaned facts of life, such as truth v fiction, life v death, family v loneliness, but the following is factual as well:

*

Time and health are of the essence.

One’s energy can be better utilized on things that matter.

**

A bit of happy news saved for last: We won the lottery — the Doves opted to remain in our balcony complex, but in a nicer, larger, safer condo. Despite all odds, they’ve chosen to raise their second brood adjacent to the daily Smith goings-on, and their quiet trust couldn’t feel sweeter. Having closely observed the advent of brood #1, noting every nuance, we’re old hands as grandparents now. Dave and Dar have proven themselves to be stellar parents. They’ve got this and we simply feel privileged to have seats in the orchestra pit while the play unfolds. It all leads precisely to this thought:

*

Sounds simple, possibly even innate, but it takes a lifetime.

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Can you take another bird story?

***

Once again nature has proven to us that Google notwithstanding, we know nothing. We read up on the facts while we prepared to be doting grandparents, only to find that isn’t how things really work in DoveLand. They know what they’re doing, it’s all written into their DNA, and our sporadic observation of their habits does not reveal to us the secrets. We’d hoped to see the chicks’ first flights, but David and Darleen very efficiently wrapped up the training course, possibly under cover of darkness, and the kids are gone, just like that. Yesterday morning when I went spying, Derek and Diane had moved to the east edge of the balcony, still under the ferns but positioned for escape, and their bright eyes and shiny feathers, freed from all the downy fluff, told me they were ready. When I saw this morning that the nest was empty it was no surprise, but a bit of melancholy set in since they left without saying goodbye.

Not to worry, Dave and Dar are already giddily at work on a new nest in the other planter where the ferns are thicker and taller, thus providing greater comfort and security than did their starter home. We hope this will become a tradition, so next spring’s plantings will be timed to encourage exactly that.

Having birds on the balcony, as opposed to bats in the belfry, is teaching me a few sweet lessons while plowing up my heart a little, as is required from time to time. Maybe the best reminder has been that life goes on, so go WITH it. Thank you, David, Darleen, and progeny for your patience and presence.

**

**

After being angels for weeks, today’s Mickey D’s run will be just what the doctor ordered. Love happens in every flavor, especially cheese and chocolate.

It’s Thursday, and you know what that means… HOW IS THE WEEKEND HERE AGAIN ALREADY??? Bizarre, but enjoy every minute of it.

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Tales of rain, sunshine and life…

***

Thunderstorms have been moving through on the regular, whether they’re in the forecast or not, and we’re metaphorically soaking up every drop because soon enough our days will follow THIS pattern:

**

After that, rain’s supposed to move in again, so I’m thinking the Dove family will be getting their affairs fully in order in the coming week. The rains have no doubt delayed flight training to some extent, but we see little chicky-heads bobbing around in the nest, and small wings stretching to the limit, so preparations are underway. I turned around and snapped this shot of David and Darleen yesterday while they were talking about the babies, the day’s agenda, and no doubt their undying love for one another. Pretty sure I heard him murmur, “Time to kick these kids out and reclaim our bed, schweetheart.”

**

And that’s life, the cycle goes on. Speaking of which, sorting boxes and bins held over from previous eras can be hazardous to your mental health. In emptying six households belonging to loved ones, I’ve come across a few items that have creeped me out, one of which is old driver’s licenses. There’s something about that stark moment set in the amber of time. I always want to let go of it NOW and not look at it again. That is NOT the person I knew and loved, but there they are, captured forever at their near-worst for all to see. During my recent closet purge I found one of MY old licenses, thus the evidence of trauma you may be sensing as you read. I sliced it right through the numbers, cut the strangely-hued awful portrait into Xs, and buried it. There. Not that girl anymore, moving on.

Please enjoy a luscious day.

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I believe I can fly…

***

Good morning on a perfect spring day. With exactly three weeks left before summer arrives, the weather’s in Chamber of Commerce mode and I’m here for it. Kim went walking early this morning and then rode his bicycle back to Einstein’s after they opened, for one of my beloved bagels. The sun’s shining, the air is cool and still, and the lawn service mowers are droning away four floors down, the ultimate in morning contentment. Kim might go across the river for PickleBall, I might take a walk, maybe apply myself to something productive… and the day will spool out.

Meanwhile, in Dove world, life is progressing day by day. This morning the chicks were side by side in the nest, one parent was on the railing a few feet away, calling softly, and the other was perched on the neighbor’s balcony doing the same. The babies are about ten days old now, and biology says that at two weeks they will vacate the nest to make room for new siblings. I must say, they look as grumpy about that prospect as you might imagine, but it seems flying lessons are imminent.

**

*

Derek and Diane are not this robust yet, so we likely still have a few days to enjoy their presence. And then the all-knowing internet says they’ll hang around the nest for another week or so after they get their wings, and we’ll proudly watch them as they come and go. My, they grow up so fast, don’t they?

Speaking of which, if you didn’t grow up, as I did, hearing the call of mourning doves, check out the file at the top of the page that will open in the link. Turn up your sound, and wait the few seconds between calls. Ignore the “9 min” detail, nobody’s gonna hang with it that long. Probably. Depends on how sleepy you are.

ML166991841 Mourning Dove Macaulay Library(opens in a new tab)

I grew up on a farm with my grandparents living across the drive, and I spent lots of nights sleeping in their house. When a grandkid was there, Grandma folded back the sheets on the big bed in the guest room and it was grandma/grandkid sleepover time, leaving Grandpa all alone in the cozy bedroom just off the kitchen. Generations of mourning doves built their nests in the evergreen tree outside the guest room window, and their dreamy calls rendered me comatose every night I slept there, so to hear them now outside my own windows is to have come full circle.

David and Darleen have been out there most of the morning, stuffing little craws full of yummy seed mush, fussing around the nest, and offering parental support from six feet away while steadily distancing themselves from the whole situation, bit by bit. They’ve been good parents thus far, so I’m sure their gently-offered encouragement goes something like “You’re fine, we’re still here, no worries, just over here on the next-door balcony. Going seed-hunting, kids, BRB. Do your stretches while we’re gone, stick your little necks up but not too far, we saw a cardinal nearby this morning. Exciting times are coming, so spend your time preparing.” To which Derek and Diane can only utter a simple “Huh?” as they have no clue what lies ahead for them.

Because we have opposable thumbs and self-awareness, we fancy ourselves higher than the flora and fauna that surrounds us. The sad truth is, trees communicate with each other better than do most humans, and benign friendly birds have a lot to teach us about what matters. The world could be a much softer place, but it isn’t, so we have birds and flowers and sheltering ferns to cushion reality. On a spring morning in the 21st century, with the smell of fresh-cut grass in the air, that’s almost enough.

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Oh, how I love answers…

***

Second item on my list after getting out of bed this morning was to check on the Dove family, and I had a prescient little sense that something would be different this time. My first look at the nest told me there wasn’t a parent bird in attendance, and when I peeked inside there were two little chicks, wing by wing, looking up at me totally unspooked by my presence. Kim got home from his walk in time to see the babies, and he pointed out that David and Darleen were on the next-door neighbors’ balcony railing, quietly keeping watch. Must be time for the little ones to start gaining a bit of bravado and independence – they’re in the nest for only two weeks before being booted out to make way for Round Two. Such a high-speed upbringing boggles my mind. Once again this is a stock photo, but Derek and Diane look just like this at the moment, and my mama heart wishes them every success. So now we know. Two babies. Two weeks (minus time served) to enjoy them. Expect flying lessons soon.

Answers to the things we wonder about. Answers to the things we care most about… those, too. Five of the people I cherish most in the world need answers to health crises, and that’s a wait that relentlessly saps strength and courage over time. Loving people means hurting with them, that’s just how it is. May their answers turn out to be as instinctive, timely, and real as fledglings taking off for the skies.

All things considered, the heavy-duty requirement at this stage of living might be PATIENCE. Life goes on, things happen, things change for better or worse, and, well… life goes on. If you’re reading this, you’ve lived through everything that’s happened to you, every second since you were born. Base your patience on that knowledge, and keep walking. Or, like me, DO something, right or wrong, and hope for the best. Your call.

Have a lovely weekend and a solemn Memorial Day observance. Summer’s almost here!

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Updates to a scintillating life…

***

“As The Nest Turns,” featuring David and Darleen Dove, is progressing as soap operas do. Things happen every day, most of them outside our awareness, but the next morning everything still looks the same, with little progress detected. I’ve posted several nest photos but all of them have been “stock” and not taken by us, including the one above, so I must tell you that we STILL don’t know for sure if there’s one baby in the nest or two. We’re starting to suspect there’s only one, based on brief shrouded sightings, but I got a little too inquisitive this morning, prompting a squawk from whomever was on the nest, so I’ve been warned. The parents’ schedule has completely changed since the hatching and they’re very much the hover type. Helicopter progenitors, what can ya’ do? Wait and see, as with all the rest of life, that’s what.

For the clean-freaks hanging on my every word, noticeable headway has been made in the Mantry. We hauled a few big chunks out the other day, promptly delivered them to the new “Goods Recycler” in town, heaved a sigh of relief, treated ourselves to milkshakes, and haven’t touched the room since. No need to get all obsessive about stuff, amirite? It obviously keeps.

Our focused baby vigil makes me smile. Birds. We’re watching birds, caring about the welfare of tiny feathered beings, feeling almost like surrogate grandparents. What is it about achieving level 70+ in the life cycle that causes some people to a grow a new awareness of other life around us? The birds, the bees, the flowers, the leaves, all things that have surrounded us since our birth, are suddenly new and fascinating! Maybe in this ol’ lady’s case it’s because TV mostly sucks, the daily news is unacceptable, and the actual humans who pass in and out of my life are few and far between. So… flora and fauna it is! In conjunction with the foregoing, I’m also developing a great tolerance for sitting on my balcony and contemplating whatever’s within my range of vision. In my “don’t stop ’til you drop” days, I couldn’t have seen myself ever loving a sit-around life, but a grocery list of events in the interim managed to convince me that stopping to appreciate the scenery isn’t a sin. Doing ONLY that, however, does border on the wicked, so I’m once again walking every day, as a counterbalance, yay me.

Balance is key to most of life, as it turns out. While I’m experiencing a new appreciation for the natural beauty that surrounds me, I won’t be wallpapering our loft in florals or buying a parakeet, so no worries I’m still me under these wrinkles.

I hope you’ll be motivated to MOVE today, and to keep your eyes open to everything around you. Earth still has her charms.

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Yay, we have baby(s)!!

***

We can see the top of one tiny head, and I’m surmising from its heavy fuzz cover that both eggs hatched a couple of days ago. For the first four days they’re fed crop-milk and then graduate to seeds, so we’ll see increased activity to and fro keeping them satisfied.

**

Only a mother’s love, amirite?

DISCLAIMER: We have not touched the babies. We will not touch the babies. These are pics of mourning doves being raised by experts.

We’re loving our front-row seat at the Nature Table, and we’re glad David & Darleen Dove tolerate us so graciously. Okay, baby names? Let’s do this!

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A chat while it rains…

***

Just when we think it couldn’t get any greener here, or the grass and trees shine any brighter, it’s raining again. Its insistent tapping against the windows is soothing and full of ongoing promise. David’s home from hanging out with his friends all night and is tucked in under the ferns, sheltering the eggs. It’s possible that by the weekend we could see a couple of beaks attached to fuzzy little heads poking out of the nest. A couple more weeks of nurturing and the babies will earn their wings and go. That’s when we’ll be hoping David and Darleen decide to raise a second brood, same spot, same setup, because we’ll miss them if they go looking for swankier digs. Checking on the Dove family is second in order of business every morning, making sure somebody’s home with the incubates; that either David has once again survived the nighttime feeding wars, or Darleen is postponing breakfast ’til he gets back for his shift. The quiet drama. You see what it’s come to here.

I no sooner typed the word “quiet” than the din of the past few days resumed. Someone’s having tile, apparently acres of it, removed, and the resulting sound reverberates throughout the building for long minutes, during sometimes long days, with only brief pauses. Not a problem, simply a reminder that however organized we may be in our psychic innards, life intrudes on levels beyond our control. The noise of the planet creeps in subtly or it slaps us in the face, either way causing a blip in our focus. What to do, what to do. Whine a little to kindred spirits, find your industrial-strength Old Girl panties, and get on with whatever the day would have looked like without the obvious clamor.

Maybe a little like this…

**

On the other hand, silence scares the bejebus outta some people, so to each his own. We’ll see how it goes, won’t we.

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A progress report…

***

Since you’re no doubt wondering, I’m happy to tell you that our new balcony residents are figuring things out quite nicely and adapting to their chosen surroundings. David seems to be made of good stuff and ready for fatherhood, and I found out yesterday that although he stays out all night every. single. night, he’s out there with his ride-or-dies, feeding as a gang for reasons of personal safety, not being drunk and disorderly and annoying the single chicks. He contentedly sleeps all day until Darleen comes home from her own breakfast, lunch, and dinner out, presumably with equally-safe friends, so I’ve stopped cooing at him in English and simply leave him to his rest. They picked us for their own set of reasons and likely the first was for protection. They individually listen to our conversations as we’re in and out, and have never shown the least uneasiness. They stay perfectly still and calm when we speak to them in quiet tones, never ruffling a feather or twitching an eye. Several days in, I’m fairly sure I could pet Darleen and she wouldn’t flinch, but I’m not about to disturb her vigil. If all goes according to plan and they do become parents, David will probably get a little feisty toward approaching landlords/grandparents. He’ll stomp his feet and exercise his wings and no doubt fix us with the evil eye… so we’ll not intrude. Or maybe just a quick look at the baby/babies. The only peek we’ve had inside the nest showed one egg, but the book says there are probably two by now.

It feels excellent that they’re here of their own volition, and David’s drowsy presence behind my chair on warm afternoons is utterly peace-giving. I can hardly remember a day in the past three years when my heart wasn’t in an uproar over something or other, so this little couple’s insistence upon moving in with us is incredibly sweet and timely. To encourage them to rent from us again next spring, we’re considering one of these, placed near this season’s nest, and maybe we’ll even have it up in time for this season’s second brood. They’d customize it in a heartbeat.

It humbles us that David and Darleen observed us for a day or two, decided we were trustworthy, and moved right on in. We know, especially this girl right here, that any given morning could bring heartache because of a ransacked nest, but you have to care about something and for the next month at least, it’s the Dove family.

David and Darleen and their pending family are already making a nicer person of me, so add your “thank-you,” world, you’re the better for it.

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Truth vs whatever’s in second place…

***

THE DOORS

They stand erect in never-ending rows, each one offering a choice to make.

Some are dark, some bathed in light, all hold secret truths hard to unravel.

Here’s one labeled SILENCE. On which side, one wonders, there or here?

If I stand mute before it, will its stillness reveal wisdom and knowledge to my parched imagination?

**

So many doors, so many choices, so little time for everything.

The endless labels insinuate themselves upon our consciousness and leave us breathless…

How, how, how to ever investigate the options before time runs out and the buzzer signals an end to the game?

In the face of forever, time constraints are unspeakably cruel in their finality.

**

On they march, the doors, each firmly closed and locked to those without a set of keys.

Or is it just one key we need… the Master?

Is the secret in the simplicity?

Do we muddy the waters with our psychic flailing, drowning the answers directly under our feet?

**

Those doors, with their often obscure labels, stand like accusers we didn’t know we had

And the shock and awe outweigh the confusion until we get our bearings.

What do they really want from us, these sentinels of judgment?

Couldn’t we all have a nice chat and figure it out?

**

Conversation doesn’t seem to be the plan… and think about it

Everything has been said, end of story.

Now run, read the labels, make those choices!

Be fierce and turn a knob or two.

**

Guess you didn’t notice, that one said OFF THE CLIFF.

Oh well. Climb back up and keep reading

Because somewhere, in some wall, there’s a door that says SANCTUARY

And it does not lie.

**

JLSmith 02/19/2023

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The sun also rises…

***

It happens every morning, in my experience, and life continues upon the planet. It all comes to us unbidden, with no effort on our part, each wake/sleep cycle delivering its allotment of STUFF TO BE DEALT WITH. And we do, amazingly sometimes, we do. Imperfectly we stumble in the dark of our own ignorance, giving it what we’ve got, and we deal. Humans astound me in every direction, but most of all in our capacity for resilience and new energy in the face of NO. “No” is no kind of answer, so we press on. This staying-alive stuff isn’t for sissies.

But here we are on a beautiful winter morning, with fog hanging in the trees and people showing up to make the day happen. The girls who own the salon in the next block have pulled up in their SUVs and claimed their spots below my window. All three are young moms who do whatever it takes to juggle careers, commutes, kiddos, schools, daycares, home, family, laundry, food for everybody, every day, and my 4th-floor remove isn’t the only space between us. They’re paying a price I never had to pay, that of running my own business while raising a family, and although I could tell you hair-raising tales of woe from past sacrifices, I sit here knowing I’ve been a spoiled girl all my life and at this point I’m merely trying to absorb the lessons coming my way before I run out of time. This I know:

“A wise woman wishes to be no one’s enemy;

a wise woman refuses to be anyone’s victim.”

-Maya Angelou

The first month of the new year has already shown us that it’s going to be more of the same, so what do we do, boys and girls? Right. We deal. We deal with what comes to us until we get it right. Wish I had an easier answer, but I can’t start lying to you NOW.

Dancing my heart out here, boss, keep the music playing.

*

I’ve seen other versions of the following, but this was a good laugh yesterday:

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Rain, rain, do please stay…

***

Such a lovely HumpDay, watching the rain come down, hearing it hit my windows. It never puts me in a wrong mood, in fact it’s totally healing to this farm child’s heart. Water… what a concept. Falling from the sky, flowing beneath the surface of the earth, carving great canyons upon the face of the planet, maintaining a link back to the womb. Life-giving. Indispensable. It will always feel like a friend.

Rain as a metaphor for life.

**

Enlightenment and acceptance go hand in hand…

And then we can put actual truth in place.

**

Rain reminds me of other soft things, other comforts, among them the inimitable Velveteen Rabbit. Less than three weeks into a fresh year, we’re all too aware how same-same human existence really is, and we feel the toll it extracts. All the stoicism we can muster, our entire store of patience and forbearance, our determination to smile and “keep sweet,” none of that bars stark reality from our door. So we have to be willing to let life wear the rough edges off of us, keep receiving the love bestowed upon us, and agree to be REAL, come what may. And it will.

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The view from here, Week One…

Maria Alfie – Marbles III, 1983, oil on canvas

We survived it. If you’re reading this, you got through the intro to the 2023 dance, along with plenty of other brave souls. And if you’re like me, always going the extra mile, you may even have been recognized for your efforts.

The fresh new year is already bringing its daily load of challenges, and that will likely continue unabated, so remember…

*

Life comes at us without letup most of the time, and we each deal in our own way…

*

*

I found this yesterday and it’s so perfectly said that I sat here in silence for a full five minutes letting the truth of it permeate. It’s exquisite:

*

I did an uncharacteristic thing yesterday and clicked on a Facebook link to a “psychic reading.” Turns out they know me there.

Worth sticking around to find out.

*

So here we all are, putting one foot in front of the other because we weren’t offered another option, doing our best, hoping for the right outcome, human-ing like our lives depended on it. We know we don’t have it all figured out, we’re simply trying to get there in time to catch the last train.

*

A message to 2023:

The past decade has extracted a toll while providing growth and insight.

*

“In this universe we are given two gifts: the ability to love, and the ability to ask questions. Which are, at the same time, the fires that warm us and the fires that scorch us.” -Mary Oliver

*

*

Each new odyssey around the sun comes with its own unique set of events and circumstances, none of which humans are privy to before it happens, so if we want to continue our existence we DEAL, end of story.

BEGINNING of story… here we go. You’ve been warned, bright new year.

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A gift from last Christmas…

*

Finneas is a brother to Billie Eilish and has worked with her from the start of her career.

How do you know
If you’ve done everything right?
Is it the love you have at hand
Or the cash you kiss at night?

How do you know
If it was worth it in the end?
Did every second really count
Or were there some you shouldn’t spend
On anything but anyone you love?
Was this the life that you were dreaming of?
A movie night, a yellow light
You’re slowing down and days are adding up

So don’t waste the time you have waiting for time to pass
It’s only a lifetime
That’s only a while
It’s not worth the anger you felt as a child
Don’t waste the time you have waiting for time to pass
It’s only a lifetime
That’s not long enough
You’re not gonna like it without any love
So don’t waste it

I’m unimpressed
By the people preaching pain
For the sake of some small gain
In the sake of someone’s name

I’m unprepared
For my loved ones to be gone
Call ’em far too often now
Worry way too much about mom

Don’t waste the time you have waiting for time to pass
It’s only a lifetime
That’s only a while
It’s not worth the anger you felt as a child
Don’t waste the time you have waiting for time to pass
It’s only a lifetime
That’s not long enough
You’re not gonna like it without any love
So don’t waste it

It’s family and friends, and that’s the truth
The fountain doesn’t give you back your youth
It’s staying up too late at night and laughing under kitchen lights
So hard you start to cry

Don’t waste the time you have waiting for time to pass
It’s only a lifetime
That’s not long enough
You’re not gonna like it without any love
So don’t waste it

–Finneas O’Connell

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Box it up…

*

I had a wonderful conversation the other day with someone whose opinion matters to me far more than most people’s, and it ended up being helpful beyond words. I’m pretty sure I’d benefit greatly from talking to a qualified therapist in order to tie up a few loose ends before heading into what I like to think of as the home stretch, may it last forever. There are memories and emotions that have become dead weight over the years and need to be put someplace manageable. After Sunday’s healing convo, I had a better understanding of how this works, and it’s key: Nothing goes away, so it has to be put into its own box and treated with respect, but by its very nature it can’t share daily life with me because it isn’t life-bringing.

*

*

*

You’re allowed to love everything that makes you who you are. Please do.

*

We all know…

***

If pain of any kind keeps you from owning your daily share of happiness, deal with it in the present using what you know at the time, put it in the Hurt Box, and walk away… don’t give it life outside the container. The stuff in the box tends to get quieter by the day if we don’t open the lid, and that’s a mercy.

Peace to you in all things on this crisp fall morning…

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