Playing for Time

I find myself in a particularly reflective mood this morning — it’s one of those days when there simply isn’t enough coffee to wake me up before 10am, even though I’ve been walking and talking since 6:00.  The weekend was tremendously fun but tiring, and our 49ers lost by a mere three points yesterday — so close, and yet so far.  BUT … it’s really no biggie, and life obviously goes on!

In honor of the prevailing mood, I’ve decided to bring a post forward from my original blog, written in June of 2012.  I can say with satisfaction that I’m more me in the past few years than I’ve ever been.  The flip side, of course, is that there’s always a price to pay for change, sometimes heavier than expected, the operative question being, “Was it worth it?”

So … about that learning process …

If you live long enough, you learn a thing or two.  I’ve lived a while now and I’ve learned more than a few things I never really wanted to know.

I’ve learned that life is all about change … and that it abides by no rules written down by man … and that as much as I claim to like change, I sometimes don’t like it very much at all.

I’ve learned that people will astound you every day, for good or ill … and that a part of what is so astounding about people is their capacity for selfishness — it clearly knows no bounds.

I’ve learned that being a “good person” does not require me to accept any and all crap thrown my way … and that if I do NOT accept everything presented to me, I run the (perfectly acceptable) risk of being called a biotch.

I’ve learned that there are people whose code of ethics will not allow them to maintain a relationship with any except those who wholeheartedly agree with them … and that those people will cut you without so much as a backward glance.

Conversely, I’ve learned, to my great joy, that there are incredibly amazing people who possess the maturity, magnanimity, and genuine regard to “take the bad with the good” and keep on trucking along beside you through life.

I’ve learned that not everyone who snuggles up to you actually gives a fig about you or your life.  Sometimes they’re just nosy.  Sometimes they’re hoping your life has taken a bad turn since the last time they checked, and their day will go much more fabulously for knowing that.

I’ve learned that we humans have an infinite capacity and talent for justifying whatever behavior benefits us … and a singular blind spot when it comes to irony.

I’ve learned that “friend” is an entirely subjective noun and that people you had reason to think would be there forever can disappear in a heartbeat when the going gets tough … or the conversation takes a turn that challenges their neatly-arranged set of rules … or you simply decline to acquiesce to their take on life.

I’ve learned that life is far too short for people-pleasing … and far too long for the nasty taste it leaves in your mouth when you do it.

I’ve learned that the concept of “getting older” is fine in the abstract … but when it starts to manifest itself in the mirror, or in your bones, it becomes something patently unfair and sinister.

I’ve learned that the more you learn, the less you know … and the more you THINK you know, the more deluded you just might be.

Because … I’ve also learned that life can’t be placed in a neat little box and labeled.  It can’t be predicted … it’ll fool you every time.  It can’t be diagrammed or mapped out beforehand … and it will shock the pants off you as it unfolds.

I’ve learned that life IS.  Life happens.  It’s a gift to be celebrated and LIVED.

If I’ve learned nothing else for real, I’ve learned that I still have an awfully lot to learn …