
(GOALS)
28 Jan 2017 Leave a comment

so much hurt and pain
you have to walk away now
you can’t save the world
JSmith 01/28/2017
25 Jan 2017 Leave a comment

It’s an eating-ice-cream-from-the-carton kind of HumpDay, even though I made a beautiful list this morning, in my best handwriting, fully intending to accomplish more than making the bed.
So far I’ve made the bed.
This is turning out to be a fibro day extraordinaire, plus social media is a swirl of innuendo and intrigue, bringing emotions to the fore and threatening friendships and family ties, things better dealt with in a less vulnerable state of mind. In truth there’s so little any of us can do to influence events, or even to order our own small worlds, it’s easy to get discouraged and walk away.
I’m pretty resigned, at this point, to the philosophy contained in the graphic up there – resigned but not discouraged.
Life teaches us that everything indeed changes. Buried in the fine print is the disclaimer that some things never return to us, and we don’t get out of here without knowing that, in there where we feel it. We’re abjectly powerless to stop change, so accepting that it simply IS is what we’ve got available to us.
From there it’s a short existential hop to knowing that everything is connected. Life doesn’t take place in a vacuum, so everything that happens affects something else, on into infinity. A lot of what happens out there in the world around us does not add up to a positive effect for our benefit. A lot of it hits us hard and keeps right on trucking. Which brings us to our final point:
PAY ATTENTION. It’s what keeps us out from under trucks and buses and the random despot, and if we’re too busy to pay attention the hits are not going to be kind to us.
For now I’m exhausted from the effort required simply to pay attention, so here’s the deal… I can only pay attention for myself, and I lack the energy and drive to help anyone construct a mental/spiritual house they’re comfortable living in, or to validate that construct by never doing anything that would cause them to examine it too closely. If things I write cause you to fidget and make faces, just remember that I can’t see you out there in the world, through some magic mirror that shows me and the TV audience your inner heart and thoughts – so it could just be your own reflection.
It’s almost 5pm now, so screw the list for yet another day, I’m moving in with Kimmers where the fire’s cozy and the vodka sours are cold. Happy Hour with sweetums is an effort I can get behind…
24 Jan 2017 Leave a comment

after words fall flat
and lines are firmly assigned
hard silence bars all
JSmith 01/24/2016
22 Jan 2017 Leave a comment

There is no point explaining.
There is no point painting word pictures.
There is no point trying to bring two sides together who do not speak the same language.
There is no point attempting a mind-meld with someone who doesn’t see you.
There is no point in expecting that someday, somehow understanding will come, empathy will win, compassion will carry us forward.
There is no point in expecting
There is no point in
There is no point.
17 Jan 2017 2 Comments

when the pain lets go
sun comes out the world looks new
all things possible
JSmith 01/17/2017
16 Jan 2017 Leave a comment

let it be over
the questioning fear and loss
please let it end well
JSmith 01/16/2017
03 Jan 2017 2 Comments

gray winter days are
like a snuggie with some class
feel cozy look inviting
JSmith 01/03/2017
01 Jan 2017 7 Comments

Okay, face to face with a new year, the 69th in a row, and contemplating my place in it, as you do.
There’s a built-in human affinity for new beginnings, fresh starts, do-overs. We know, if we’re lucky, what we want, and we hit it with our best shot, but we’re also embarrassingly aware of our weak follow-through.
There are things in my life I want to change, provided it doesn’t require too much effort, sacrifice, or consistency. I could be a healthier, nicer, more disciplined person, and finally ditch my heinous habit of procrastination, I know I could. And sincere effort will be expended toward those ends, but no promises, kids – I’ve been who I am for far longer than not, so we’ll see.
What a serious look at the past and present, and a trepidatious peek into the future, are telling me today is that a lot of things are within my power to change and influence but some aren’t. If I were to make a New Year’s vow to stop being honest, and stop writing and talking about the things life throws in front of me, I’d be lying from the get-go, so my “resolutions”are all from the do-able stack:
Fun having two New Year’s Days this year – more sanctioned hours to be bums, and also to gear up for the road ahead. Let’s all meet up next year, same time same place, and compare notes.
30 Dec 2016 Leave a comment

HAPHAZARD OBSERVATIONS THAT YOU CAN READ IF YOU WANT…
28 Dec 2016 Leave a comment

lull before the storm
gather your wits about you
flight is an option
JSmith 12/28/2016
27 Dec 2016 2 Comments

Everybody’s hating on 2016, wishing it over and done, hoping for a better road ahead. My heart tells me that isn’t happening any time soon and I feel a little sad for 2016 and its aura – blamed for so much, scorned and feared.
But a “year in the life” didn’t set out to do us harm and break our hearts without letup. We’re the survivors (she whispers, because the year isn’t over) of a perfect storm. For one big thing, the baby boomers got old or are on the way (raises hand and signs guest book), so in spite of how it feels, the artists and other great minds we’ve looked to in our generation are likely not dying in greater numbers than before…it’s just that it’s all about time and we’re feeling it – because that’s what we do. When you’re in the next-oldest human demographic, statistically speaking, it registers every time a compadre takes leave, and it will always feel too soon.
For another thing, the world changed while we were busy implementing plans. Global communication is a fact, but while we’re far more aware and informed than ever before, we’re mostly stunned into ennui by the sheer weight of what we see and hear. Things are happening around us that we didn’t expect to have to deal with in this lifetime, and with each death that makes the Breaking News report we feel a little more isolated, a little lonelier, wondering if we’re being abandoned, rattling around just hoping to make it through.
While we were spaced off living life, as you do, we missed a lot and the world political climate made a big switcheroo that we’re just now starting to wake up to. There may be times ahead that will make 2016 look like a Sunday School picnic (do they still have those?), although every last sane person hopes NOT. Or… life may turn rosy and sunny for everyone, and wouldn’t that be wonderful.
It’s all gonna be okay, even if it isn’t okay.

26 Dec 2016 2 Comments

there are remedies
for what breaks our hearts in two
but they are unknown
JSmith 12/26/2016
24 Dec 2016 Leave a comment

The magic was always in the secrets and the rush and the crazy, trying to make each holiday season the best one ever, the gifts perfect, the food exactly according to tradition, all for that elusive (illusive) Old-Fashioned Christmas.
On this December 24th, in the year (of our Lord?) 2016, the magic lies elsewhere. It’s in the big messy bed, the fog hanging outside our windows, the Salted Caramel Bailey’s swirling into the coffee mugs, the Kim Breakfast because Saturday, the spa tub filling.
Tomorrow, Christmas Day, Santa will bring the Zen all over again – Black Forest ham, scalloped potatoes, roasted Brussels sprouts, lovely rolls, easy munchies. Vino, always. A Pentatonix Christmas, we love those sweet babies. And later, when we’re in our cups, Bad Santa. Saving Hudsucker Proxy for New Year’s, 2017 apropos.
The Real Christmas was always at my maternal grandparents’ house, where one long, very long, table was set up through the living and dining rooms, and pretty packages spilled far past the tree while Grandma and her daughters and daughters-in-law still frantically wrapped gifts in a spare bedroom, giving the door a kick once in a while to keep nosy grandkids away. My mom was one of nine offspring, who were themselves fairly prolific, so Christmas dinner could involve 40 people or more, with additional afternoon drop-ins.
The women cooked the enormous meal, the kids raised hell, and after dinner my good-looking uncles rolled up their sleeves, stored food, picked the turkey carcass clean for leftovers, and washed the dishes, no rugrats allowed in the kitchen. The uncles, former Marines, Korean War, could be intimidating when they put their foot down, and were no doubt laughing up their collective sleeves at us every year. Omigod, we were insufferable.
They’re gone, those people, and I can’t even find a photo this morning to honor the first Christmases of my heart. The pictures are here somewhere, in an album online or on a shelf, old Kodachrome color snaps – upwards of 60 or more of us crammed into one glorious photo with the tree barely showing in the back and wrapping paper still strewn. That’s how my heart remembers it.
I hope your Christmas, old-fashioned or otherwise, will be sweet. Tuck it into your heart…those memories belong to us forever.

19 Dec 2016 Leave a comment

blankets piled in waves
bed still warm and welcoming
must resist ’til dark
JSmith 12/19/2016
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