The road to hell is paved …

I was definitely going to Tai Chi class this morning, and still could if I threw some clothes on right this minute and didn’t care that my bed-face was hanging out. Truth is, I got up at 6:15 and have been drinking coffee steadily ever since from my sweet new mug that reminds me to “breathe,” but more than two hours later I still don’t feel awake. It’s because of the fog, which when we got up was clinging to the windows, making visibility nil – a luscious grey-flannel morning.

Just like that, I was out of the mood for anything but coffee, a hot shower, and getting-rid-of-all-the-things!! And once the urge to purge overtakes me it’s best to stay with that thought for as long as it lasts, as there is much here in need of a good home elsewhere. Knowing there’s stuff tucked away that nobody’s using, but could be, adds to the general malaise, and I need that to go away. So a little at a time, every day, I’m making room for energy and it’s a GOOD thing, as Martha Stewart tells us.

The weight of winter, as with so much else, isn’t lifting without a struggle, but this would be a ridiculous time to quit. My tiny private battles with the superfluous make me smile and encourage me for the far bigger wars at play on the world stage. We keep our heads up and do what we can until the fog lifts and the sun shines again. The alternative – giving up, doing nothing – is unthinkable, so we do something even if it’s wrong, and we feel better for it, and one day we’ll wake up and things really WILL have changed and the world will feel real again. Won’t that be amazing? Meanwhile, I’m ready for another big trash bag…

“I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.” ~ Augusten Burroughs

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. kooks3
    Apr 08, 2019 @ 09:26:52

    Well, Judy, this morning was the day I was suppose to take into my heart these healing words, this soothing palm of wisdom & kindness that you shared with me this morning. This precious gift I will cherish always. They were EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I know because I am typing and crying and seeing you in my mind right now. I was feeling clise to a panic attack. I am about to call Area Mental Health because I know I need my meds adjusted. I am on the manic side. No shame in that. Knowledge, wisdom, insight, action, moving forward on kind self-care and love. I am deeply grateful. You are and have a very special gift. I am glad to be walking each other home, we may be on different paths. but the road winds along and intersects and expands and this morning we were hand in hand and I felt you stroking my hair, I had my head in your lap, and yiu let me cry, I felt loved and acceptance and valued. I needed mothering and friendship. Thank you! My soul Sister!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Judy Smith
      Apr 08, 2019 @ 10:23:36

      If we can’t be there for each other, we’re sort of just marking time here. I’m grateful if my words have been a helpful part of your morning – please get back to me with a progress report, okay? I know the meds level is a crucial element, so get thee to the experts and come back for more hugs.

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  2. Karen Dunn
    Apr 06, 2019 @ 09:04:04

    I so loved your words this morning Judy. They spoke to my heart. I have been in s manic phase. Should be doing. Doubting. But so much to be Thankful for. Many Blessings. But flawed, fearful, a baby in recovery from my food addiction. A release of 100 lbs. finds me grateful but vulnerable as I talk to others in recovery, my sponsor & go to meetings. Saying to myself, I have enough, I do enough, I am enough! I just loved your insight. Your gentle wisdom and easiness on yourself. I slept little last night. Choir singing at yet another dear friends funeral from cancer, Mischel Miller’s Mom, Sharron. RIP. One Day At A Time. Love you my friend, Karen

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Judy Smith
      Apr 06, 2019 @ 13:26:35

      We’re all so human and so fragile and so relentless on ourselves. And now past 70 I’m finally learning how fabulous it feels to be kind to ME the way I try to be with other poor souls who don’t know any better, just still trying to figure it all out. We really are just all walking each other home, you know. And if we can’t figure out how to love ourselves, how will we ever show anyone else how we want it done? Sweetheart, you are the most wonderful you there ever was or ever will be and nobody could ever possibly do you the way you do you. You’re absolutely amazing. If you could see you through the eyes of anybody who’s ever seen you, you’d never have a second’s doubt ever again in your life. I love you forever. Amen.

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