“I vant to be alone.” ~ Greta Garbo
Except, according to Ms. Garbo, “I never said, ‘I want to be alone.’ I only said, ‘I want to be let alone!’ There is all the difference.”
There is all the difference.
You can’t do much writing, unless you’re journaling about one of the dustier sciences, without becoming a student of human nature, an endlessly intriguing and confusing subject. Who could ever comprehend humans? And having somehow done so, how would we ever live with what we’d learned about each other?
Once in a while the undercurrent of low-grade depression that accompanies my existence gets to be a bit much and I’m forced to acknowledge its existence to the point of taking a break from whatever seems to be the main problem. This time, Facebook was clearly leaving me in a state, so a Fall Sabbatical was an easy decision, and I’d no sooner closed the door than my normal sunny personality started breaking through again. Full disclosure, I also activated my sleepy Twitter account around that same time and started finding *inner healing* through shooting my mouth off. To each her own poison.
Yesterday iMessage, which I can get to on my desktop now only through Facebook (I need a teenager, STAT), contained an odd and off-putting message that still has me in a mood. It was a clip of a skit enacted by young black students, male & female, dressed in scrubs, shooting police officers with automatic weapons, along with a personal message that said in part: “I have felt that you lean towards only seeing one side. I know you have taken a recess from FB and I just wanted you to see this. Are the youth in our schools being given permission to have such disregard for authority? This will only lead to more serious problems.”
Why now? Why purposely back me into a corner when I’ve said I need the exact opposite of that for a while? I can wish mightily that I had answers, but I don’t. I’m tired. My head is tired, my heart is tired, I just need to go in a different direction for a few weeks and let some of the nastiness of recent battles filter out a little. I’m angry. Angrier than I’ve ever been in my life that lizardy old men think it’s just fine that other men assault and take advantage of young girls like I once was, and they laugh about it and celebrate it and elevate each other to the highest offices in the land. So angry. For the first time in my life there are people I hate.
It would have been an excellent time to let me alone. I asked nicely, after all, like any good little American girl would do. And we see, over and over and over again, how that works out.
Oct 13, 2018 @ 11:48:54
I am reminded of something my father told me as a child: ‘For fear your tongue should make a slip, three things observe with care; of whom you speak; to whom you speak – how, when, and where.’
All too often we hurt others without meaning to, so I am, as an octogenarian, slowly learning to mind what I say – especially on line and in print. In the past I have done things in haste – and regretted them, so now I take a step back and give myself time to reflect, and, as my late darling Paul would have said; ‘Give yourself time to see shades of grey in between the black and white.’
Take care Judy, and take heart.
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Oct 13, 2018 @ 16:49:07
Thank you, Maureen, for all of those wise words, and I’m taking time away to follow them.
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Oct 10, 2018 @ 08:17:18
Oh, Judy. I’m right there with you as I’ve taken an autumn FB break myself. While we probably share many of the same reasons for this, there could also be other, separate reasons as well. I respect you and your decision and hope to have you back when you feel the time is right for you. Wishing you peace and love, my friend.
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Oct 10, 2018 @ 10:56:05
Times away … for solitary souls like you and me they’re a have-to thing. I’m already figuring a few things out, which in turn lifts the angst a little, so maybe life hasn’t gotten so scary after all. Ahhh … breathing is good, no? Wishing you peace and love in return, friend … come see us.
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Oct 09, 2018 @ 09:37:28
I’m afraid I am one of those friends that is a sometime reader. But I do understand how a break would be good I have cleared out a lot of stuff and scroll quickly by anything about you know who. I do miss your sweet comments.
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Oct 09, 2018 @ 20:30:26
Thank you, Sarah. A rest from the routine, and some space between us and our stressors adds up to big gains in the arena of inner peace, as I’m sure you know. It’s a good investment.
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Oct 07, 2018 @ 16:36:39
I’m with you. I need a break, my anger and hate are too hard for me to live with. I’m an empathic intuitive girl and the energy is like poison to my well being. I love your posts and real talk. ❤️B
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Oct 07, 2018 @ 17:15:50
Thank you. Being real is the only thing that puts my world right. It’s the empathic intuitive thing, you know…
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