“I vant to be alone.” ~ Greta Garbo
Except, according to Ms. Garbo, “I never said, ‘I want to be alone.’ I only said, ‘I want to be let alone!’ There is all the difference.”
There is all the difference.
You can’t do much writing, unless you’re journaling about one of the dustier sciences, without becoming a student of human nature, an endlessly intriguing and confusing subject. Who could ever comprehend humans? And having somehow done so, how would we ever live with what we’d learned about each other?
Once in a while the undercurrent of low-grade depression that accompanies my existence gets to be a bit much and I’m forced to acknowledge its existence to the point of taking a break from whatever seems to be the main problem. This time, Facebook was clearly leaving me in a state, so a Fall Sabbatical was an easy decision, and I’d no sooner closed the door than my normal sunny personality started breaking through again. Full disclosure, I also activated my sleepy Twitter account around that same time and started finding *inner healing* through shooting my mouth off. To each her own poison.
Yesterday iMessage, which I can get to on my desktop now only through Facebook (I need a teenager, STAT), contained an odd and off-putting message that still has me in a mood. It was a clip of a skit enacted by young black students, male & female, dressed in scrubs, shooting police officers with automatic weapons, along with a personal message that said in part: “I have felt that you lean towards only seeing one side. I know you have taken a recess from FB and I just wanted you to see this. Are the youth in our schools being given permission to have such disregard for authority? This will only lead to more serious problems.”
Why now? Why purposely back me into a corner when I’ve said I need the exact opposite of that for a while? I can wish mightily that I had answers, but I don’t. I’m tired. My head is tired, my heart is tired, I just need to go in a different direction for a few weeks and let some of the nastiness of recent battles filter out a little. I’m angry. Angrier than I’ve ever been in my life that lizardy old men think it’s just fine that other men assault and take advantage of young girls like I once was, and they laugh about it and celebrate it and elevate each other to the highest offices in the land. So angry. For the first time in my life there are people I hate.
It would have been an excellent time to let me alone. I asked nicely, after all, like any good little American girl would do. And we see, over and over and over again, how that works out.
Oct 13, 2018 @ 11:48:54
I am reminded of something my father told me as a child: ‘For fear your tongue should make a slip, three things observe with care; of whom you speak; to whom you speak – how, when, and where.’
All too often we hurt others without meaning to, so I am, as an octogenarian, slowly learning to mind what I say – especially on line and in print. In the past I have done things in haste – and regretted them, so now I take a step back and give myself time to reflect, and, as my late darling Paul would have said; ‘Give yourself time to see shades of grey in between the black and white.’
Take care Judy, and take heart.
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Oct 13, 2018 @ 16:49:07
Thank you, Maureen, for all of those wise words, and I’m taking time away to follow them.
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Oct 10, 2018 @ 08:17:18
Oh, Judy. I’m right there with you as I’ve taken an autumn FB break myself. While we probably share many of the same reasons for this, there could also be other, separate reasons as well. I respect you and your decision and hope to have you back when you feel the time is right for you. Wishing you peace and love, my friend.
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Oct 10, 2018 @ 10:56:05
Times away … for solitary souls like you and me they’re a have-to thing. I’m already figuring a few things out, which in turn lifts the angst a little, so maybe life hasn’t gotten so scary after all. Ahhh … breathing is good, no? Wishing you peace and love in return, friend … come see us.
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Oct 09, 2018 @ 09:37:28
I’m afraid I am one of those friends that is a sometime reader. But I do understand how a break would be good I have cleared out a lot of stuff and scroll quickly by anything about you know who. I do miss your sweet comments.
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Oct 09, 2018 @ 20:30:26
Thank you, Sarah. A rest from the routine, and some space between us and our stressors adds up to big gains in the arena of inner peace, as I’m sure you know. It’s a good investment.
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Oct 07, 2018 @ 17:25:47
I am not ashamed to say that I posted that clip you are referring to. You failed to mention however, that I did not know about your depression and I issued an apology immediately after you told me. I did know that you were taking a break from Facebook. I assumed it was due to being sick and tired of politics. Many of us are, for different reasons. You did say “in part” which is true. With just mentioning part of my message makes me appear to others as a cold unfeeling monster . We have been through some of life’s hard times together and you know that is not true of me . You failed to mention my black family members that I love dearly ! I also told you I was happy that your son is happy with his marriage to his black mate.. You mentioned that to me also, as if I was attacking him . I intended no hostilities toward you or your loved ones. I made mention of schools allowing such public displays and that it could only make the tense situation worse between the races. . I have always thought of as friends, shared a lot of good times and some not so good, but we did it together. I also asked that I not be misunderstood as has happened in the past . There is something wrong with my presentation I suppose that invokes that ! Again let me apologize that it caused you such anguish and that you needed to include it in your blog. I always enjoy reading what you write and continue to wait for your published book . But this particular entry affects me negatively .
I am sorry you were taken advantage of as a young girl, something else we share in common. I don’t think this is the place to say anymore about this uncomfortable situation . But I do understand your pain .
I hope your heart and mind heal quickly and I wish only the best for you .
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Oct 07, 2018 @ 17:37:00
I’m astounded that you felt it necessary to post here, as nothing I wrote gave any indication as to who sent me the clip. You’ve said a lot of things here that I’m not going to address, but I have to tell you that you missed the entire point of the blog piece, which in its object lesson has nothing to do with you at all. It makes me sad that you’re this determined to have the last word and be “right.”
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Oct 07, 2018 @ 16:36:39
I’m with you. I need a break, my anger and hate are too hard for me to live with. I’m an empathic intuitive girl and the energy is like poison to my well being. I love your posts and real talk. ❤️B
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Oct 07, 2018 @ 17:15:50
Thank you. Being real is the only thing that puts my world right. It’s the empathic intuitive thing, you know…
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