Honoring Throwback Thursday

judysf

Casting a long shadow at five years old on a San Francisco street corner, little me in her plaid-lined high-waters and namesake tee, a gift from one of my sweet, hunky uncles. I still have that teeny-beany T-shirt tucked away in a box.

I vividly remember entertaining large-scale dreams early on as my wee pudding-brain started jelling – life as a farm girl was simplified down to its essence, but the world felt limitless and open to me, thanks to my mom and my grandmothers who dropped clues I couldn’t miss. The kernel of all those dreams somehow escaped with its life in spite of everything – adolescence didn’t kill it, marriage and family didn’t smother it, loss couldn’t force it to crawl into a hole and die – and now I get to live the remaining dreams on my own terms.  They no longer seem so big – being a published writer isn’t the point anymore, I simply have to write or expire. Having a summer place in Colorado and a winter spot in California sounds merely exhausting. Kim and I fully intended to own a sailboat, sooner rather than later, but we turned down a prime opportunity last year because…that ship has sailed. He’s Navy and a veteran SoCal sailor, but when you own a boat you never run out of work, which sounded heinous in the light of day. Besides, a nest-egg stretches only so far.

What I remember about this Cali trip with my parents, who’d schlepped me to half the states in the union by this time, is that my sister Susan, nine months old, wouldn’t have anything to do with us when we picked her up from Grandma & Grandpa’s house. Broke my widdle heart, but she got over it, after which I undoubtedly started distressing her again. Aw, I hope not.

Incredibly, this photo was taken almost 64 years ago, which gives it the feel of belonging to someone else, and yet my DNA knows it’s from my lifetime. The hope on that little girl’s face, mixed with just a whiff of healthy skepticism, makes me happy this morning. Hope is hard to kill – it will die a thousand deaths before it reluctantly leaves us, and it has the power to keep us putting one foot in front of the other until things get better. The worst heartbreak is to give up too soon – don’t do that, okay?

 

nice-hope-quotes-images-for-facebook-6-e7f4d33a

 

P.S.  Turns out I’d know me anywhere. Compare my relatively-new face on the left to my relatively-not-brand-new one in my profile pic to the right – a revelation that provides yet another ray of hope today, and I’ll take it!

 

Image

6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. AuntB
    Apr 14, 2016 @ 16:23:24

    It’s Hope that keeps us all afloat. Is that cheezy ?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  2. Judy Lang
    Apr 07, 2016 @ 15:37:47

    You were adorable and look just like you are ready to tackle the world. I love those shoes. Reminds me of a pair that I cherished when I was about the same age. I always loved my patent leathers and adored the smell about as much.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  3. Teri C
    Apr 07, 2016 @ 12:30:19

    You look(ed) like you can conquer the world!

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • Judy Smith
      Apr 07, 2016 @ 13:25:47

      At that point I knew I could, Teri. I was an only child for 4 & a half years, well-traveled, nauseatingly precocious, stomped around the farm with my dad like a boss in my yellow rain boots, played with garter snakes and toads…you know the drill. What I know now is that all of that is still in there, is that not cool? ❤

      Like

      Reply

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