In the end it was the rain that did it. Her breath stopped short that morning as a thread unraveled somewhere in her chest and let go, while water kept falling everywhere-all-the-time-non-stop, and she instinctively knew one more day of it would finish her. That and the asshole she lived with. Him more than the rain, because when things were new and intoxicating between them the rain had felt nurturing and cocoon-ish and hadn’t sent her mood into the toilet. Zoe had to face it, The Asshole was the cause of her angst, and just like that she couldn’t wait one more second to get far, far away from him.
Bits and pieces of past escape plans, the ones every smart cookie stores for eventualities, hopped around in her head. When the guy shopping for groceries who persuaded you into his bed on sight … or had it been the other way around … lets you know, none too subtly, that you’re replaceable … a girl has to start reviewing her options. There weren’t many, she didn’t even have a car, but she was pretty sure she could recruit Teresa and Bobby Lee, whose jobs happened after dark, to help her with the scheme she was beginning to hatch.
Turned out things were currently loose-goosey for her day-tripper friends — they’d been hanging around for the next romp and picking up a U-Haul day-rental sounded like a nice little diversion. So while The A-hole was away doing a job, she and Teresa and Bobby Lee — who was strung out enough to let the girls do most of the work, not that he was particularly chivalrous under primo conditions — loaded all her stuff — not a huge quantity — into the truck. Zoe was possessed by a sense of urgency — go, go, get it done, get out of here — but it wasn’t easy keeping her friends on task, her brain was zinging like a sparkler, Teresa was wearing her customary 6-inch heels, and although Zoe had to admit her friend was as skilled at navigating her spikes on the ground as she was on the pole, all she wanted was to keep moving and be gone before he got home, leaving no trace of herself behind. In the kitchen she made a snap decision not to leave him so much as a fucking knife and fork. She was done. Finished. Tired of being played, tired of living at the frayed edge of the law, tired of people she didn’t know showing up at her house at all hours, sometimes sleeping there, drinking her beer like it was water, stinking up her bathroom, leaving everything for her to clean up. And the guns — she was weary of all the firearms. The Big A, so recently thought of as The Desired Beloved, kept a .357 Magnum in the bedroom, handy but out of sight, and that had been preying on her thoughts more and more, not because she particularly feared finding herself on the business end of it, but because — HOLY GOD — she had a small son who was nothing if not curious. Her SON!! Her almost-four-year-old Jacob was at the circus with his second mom, her closest friend, and she had to figure out a way to pick him up on her way out of town!
The rain took a smoke break, they wrapped up the load-out, and she got ready to say her goodbyes, but Bobby Lee had a different plan. By now, the three of them had tacitly acknowledged that this was no day trip, and Bobby Lee, the proverbial good-hearted gangstah, who would find himself cooling it in prison not long after, was reluctant to let her set out cross-country without a companion. So when Zoe pulled out of the driveway, sitting in the passenger seat was Teresa, decked out in her CFM spikes, little ankle socks, and one of the off-beat — some might say bizarre — outfits she loved so much. The three extra thongs she carried in her battered model’s bag would have to suffice for the duration. And of course other stilettos and their adorable sock friends — a girl goes nowhere without options. The tops and little shorts and scarves and vests she favored for covering her lusciously-acceptable assets took up barely any room, and what self-respecting entertainer leaves home without her makeup? Trip.ON!!
The day was getting away. What if he came home, saw what she’d done, and started tracking her down? The girls navigated their way to the circus, located Jacob laughing with his friends Izzy and Marc, and whisked him away as unobtrusively as they could considering that he was having the time of his life. Second Mom had taken the boys down to the floor for face-painting and not only was Jacob in clown-face, he’d won Best Clown Award for the amazing visage he’d given himself. Irony of ironies it ended up as a full-page photo in the local paper, but not until after the little entourage was halfway across the country.
It must have been a harrowingly hilarious trip from the coast to the heartland … the falling-apart former country girl, the miniature clown who declined to have his face washed in any service station restroom, and the drop-dead-hot topless dancer. God only knows what Teresa thought up to keep Jacob entertained along the way, but she’d never been accused of lacking creativity.
They managed to get across the state line before the truck started breaking down and losing A/C. Having no other choice, they pulled into the first U-Haul place they saw, where not only did the fine employees put them into a brand new truck, they transferred the load for them. Meanwhile, Teresa nabbed the paperwork from the office and had a private moment with it in the Ladies’, changing enough numbers to keep law enforcement off their tails until later.
Back on the road. Drive, nap, grab junk food, drive, nap, grab junk food, straight through to the middle of the continent. Zoe wished Teresa would get behind the wheel some of the time, but she trusted herself more so she kept her mouth shut. Mile after mile over the next two days, through dark and light, her mind was occupied with the immediate past, the slightly-deranged present, and the murky future. “How – really, time to be honest here – did you end up as a 21-year-old single mom living with a big-time coke dealer who finances his operation by stealing and chopping cars? I mean, really.” Despite being more adventurous than most, she’d always seen herself as a good girl. And notwithstanding a couple of rough patches with drugs and binge-drinking and heartbreak, resulting in some ill-timed decisions and close-call extrications, she still knew she was a good girl. She just needed to get away from a bad situation and clear her head and she’d be fine. She had to get clean, too, a process that was already underway since she and Teresa had fled with only so much. Zoe knew she’d be crashing about the time they reached their destination. This wasn’t going to be pretty … but when you need time and a fortress, you go home.
She didn’t call anybody, her reasoning emotion-driven … what if her mom or dad sounded dismayed at the news that she was on her way back to the farm? What if all they needed was that much warning to head to the mountains or somewhere? What if they said, We can’t do this, you’re going to have to figure it out on your own. She knew, worn down as she was, that anything less than love and acceptance at this point would break her, so she kept her foot jammed in the gas pedal and her eyes on the road.
Halfway through the third day out she turned in at the farm, her little clown asleep in a crumpled heap on the seat, his face paint smeary and faded, and the dancer scrunched up against the door, looking shaky and shop-worn. And surprise, surprise, no mom and dad. Genuinely stunned that her instincts were right for once, and so exhausted her knees would barely keep her upright, Zoe decided to pull a Scarlet and think about it tomorrow.
Sure enough, show up on the morrow they did, visibly displeased to see a U-Haul truck in the yard and the shock of their daughter and grandson in the flesh, big as life and twice as natural. Oh WELL, Zoe thought, so much for acceptance and a fortress … time will have to be my friend. Wonder how much slack they’ll cut me on that?
As it turned out, slack-cutting was in Zoe’s favor, but Teresa had to go. One look at her exotic, tall, blonde, stacked loveliness, legs all the way to her ass, starting with the six-inch stilettos and those baby-doll socks that promised everything, and Zoe’s mom decreed that Teresa would be on the next flight out. She was. Zoe’s parents drove her to the airport the following morning, however much her dad may have inwardly wished for a week or so to get acquainted. Back to the coast, end of story, thanks and all that.
At home again, Zoe and her dad off-loaded the truck into an outbuilding, and a couple of evenings later around the table, he said “Shouldn’t we be getting that truck turned in?”
“Um, no, Dad, it isn’t going back — that’s the rest of the story.”
So she filled it with gas from the farm tank, and with her mom and dad following she drove, drove, drove, drove, far out into the countryside, parked it where it would be discovered, and in the pitch dark carefully wiped it down, leaving it unlocked, keys in the ignition. The whole time she was industriously removing DNA from the truck, her dad fretted and urged her to hurry. He kept saying “I just know we’re gonna get caught.”
Her mom finally told him “Hush. You’ve seen entirely too much TV.” That and her enthusiasm over the night’s shenanigans almost moved Zoe to forgiveness for her initial coolness. But no, not ready yet, and she had too many overwhelming things to figure out before she’d know who she was again … so she crawled into her parents’ back seat, nodded off on the way home, and lay on their couch in a fetal position for a couple of weeks while time took a vacation.
One morning she woke up to sunshine and her old self-mocking mantra popped into her head, “Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go everywhere.” Well, hell, she thought … let’s get going.
{Not exactly fiction — you can’t make this shit up.}
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