We knew this would happen, and “all the sudden” here it is! December 1st arrived yesterday and brought with it a brief heavy snow, so it’s official: For those who celebrate, Christmas is on its way and so is winter. I played the Old Card and chose to observe the first snow of the season by abstaining from the gym and my Monday workout, which turns out to have been the wise decision. When Kim got home from pickleball he said the streets were crazy and so were the drivers, and then I read that parts of town looked like a parking lot. This lil’ troublemaker didn’t need to be leaving tracks out there, so home and fireplace it was and it was lovely.
By now you know I’m not a holiday fanatic, or even much of a fan, but I do love the seasons, warts and all. Cold, heat, rain, snow, all good in their time because I’m fortunate enough to have a safe place that’s in out of the weather, and when I walk around town I realize what a big deal that is. The world has changed immeasurably in the new millennium, but the milk of human kindness hasn’t entirely soured yet. Every day on our local Facebook page I see proof that we still know how to love each other. Some typical posts:
“I have a bag of potatoes I need to share with someone while they’re still nice. Can you use them?”
“I found a wallet on the sidewalk today. If you’ve lost one, please provide pertinent details and we’ll git ‘er done.”
“I’m new in town, single mom, and my car’s sitting in my driveway with a flat tire. Can somebody recommend a reliable service for me to call?” (Gives general area of town.)
Followed quickly by: “Ma’am, I’m close to your neighborhood, I’ll be over in just a few minutes, no charge.”
“I have one less working guy to feed this evening, so if you need/want a plate of hot food, stop and get it on your way home.”
And on and on every day, the little stops and starts, the deep breaths, the choices made, the life sustained. They’re the golden threads, the tiny veins and capillaries that nourish this great human mating ball and keep us from annihilating our species. They’re the stuff life is actually made of and we don’t see a fraction of it.
On this sunshiny, sparkly day, though, things seem a little clearer… just for a bit… and it feels nice. I still have enough Pollyanna left to hope for a profusion of sparkly days ahead… and to hope we’ll know what to do with such abundance.
Nobody seems to know what happened to October, but November showed up this morning so we must keep the line moving. The good thing is that it’s traditionally a beautiful month, full of plans and anticipation for many, a time to start the pre-hibernation ritual for most. The clock returns to its rightful setting (and oh that “they” would LEAVE it there), while darkness falls like a theatre curtain by 5:30 and earlier. Messes with my head all the way to my toes every time “they” tweak reality, so Greenwich Mean Time year ’round would be super-great, thanks.
As we streak toward the end of a year that feels three months long, everything in our nation and elsewhere is in a state of flux. Our entire way of life is under assault, with wildly disturbing things happening every day without fail, and there’s not a damn thing any of us can do about it. It’s heartbreaking to think there are still people who watch what’s going on and say, “Yes, this is exactly what I wanted,” or at the least, “Nope, not a dealbreaker yet.” I wish I had answers. I wish SOMEbody did.
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Most everything gets better eventually so let’s all keep on keeping on.
Yes, boys and girls, another segment of 2025 is upon us, and be forewarned, it will pass as quickly as the previous nine have done. Month by wild month the year becomes history before we’re fully woke and then what, straight into another just like it? A person can hardly be blamed for asking.
Nevertheless, all the nostalgic autumn truths still stand. We open our hearts to the dying time in order to see fresh new life emerge in the spring and trust that will happen year after year, proof that we stay in some ways, against all odds, perpetually innocent.
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The following came across my feed this week and its melancholy fits the season. As the world grows colder, stranger, and let’s face it more terrifying by the day, the average person on the street is left wondering “What can I do about all this?” And the unfortunate honest answer is “Not much, really.” BUT… we can still care enough to be our authentic selves and keep going, which matters because people are looking for other genuine people who will help keep the lanterns lit.
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It is indeed an increasingly Halloween world, a place seemingly populated by monsters and ghouls, and when I wonder what to do in the face of all that I default to Mary Oliver and her calm realism.
It’s almost June in the Year of Our Load 2025, notwithstanding that the current year started only about 30 days ago, right? Fast and painful in all the ways, so the “fast” part is the BEST part.
I see by the ol’ calendar on the desktop that it’s once again been a month since we last “chatted” (c’mon, CHAT!), so it feels like I should catch us up a little… but I don’t know where to start. The weather’s usually a safe bet, so I’m glad to tell you that our spring rains have continued to move through, and our green forest is deliriously happy about it. Said forest holds hundreds of houses, we just won’t see any of them from here again until fall.
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Every morning delivers unto us our daily dose of WTF but nobody needs to hear me expound on it, so here are a few things I’ve saved for just such times… loaded times when instead of too little to say, there’s too much.
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Since I was a little girl, something has compelled me to put words on paper. Can’t stop now. If you have an urge to write, DO IT, because first of all it’s very freeing. Just tell the story to yourself so it isn’t all cooped up anymore and then decide if it’s one you want to share. Kinda simple, and easy to get hooked. Also one of the hardest things you can do.
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True of every lifetime, and the personification of this era…
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Guidelines for this and all eras…
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Okay, enough serious-type stuff for today, let’s play a game…
Anybody remember those little plastic wind-up chickens? Think about those weebly guys, smile, then get out there and make good trouble. I believe in you.
Remember blog posts? Somebody who sounds a whole lot like me has stopped by here a handful of times since Christmas, left a few thoughts on the page and disappeared again, so I’ve wondered if it’s even still a thing. I finally caught up with her today and she and I absolutely agree that inspiration is hard to come by lately… it hides in the details, staying elusive just to mess with us, as life would have it… but the story is always ours to write.
Speaking of life, it goes on. Things occur every day that we’re only vaguely aware of, things that slowly but inexorably make change happen, until one day we’re shocked into a renewed awareness of our world, both personal and global. “Wait, when did they: build that, institute that, decide that, CHANGE that??” We looked away and things happened because they weren’t our job, man, and we aren’t in charge of the world, which I hope doesn’t distress any of us too much.
Winter has changed to spring here in glorious ways. That bad boy of the tree world, the Callery or Bradford pear, was EVERYWHERE with its white blossoms, nearly matched by the sweet Eastern redbuds. And now they’re all covered with brilliant green leaves. The rains have been faithful, turning the East Lawrence forest into a big ol’ showoff in its finery, and it glows when the sun’s ray find it. Nice change.
Day by day, change of every kind has its way with us, repeatedly delivering one of life’s hardest messages: Move it or lose it, change or die. Anyone who thinks life is fair hasn’t lived it yet.
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I’ve started living life on the ASAP plan and liking it. Helps keep the angst down to a whisper some days…
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Baby sister was here and the three of us enjoyed a lovely Ishtar lunch, graced by the tulips Kim brought home from Farmers Market, so there’s been much good change, good life, good love… all of it still in vogue and waiting for the stories to be told.
Once upon a time, strange as it may sound, Christmas happened in a world that wasn’t ready for it, making things discombobulated and odd from the start of the season. Planet LOOK.AT.US. was out of sorts and feeling aloof from the whole affair. Things were not right in the kingdom and no one knew how to fix it. Such a different holiday it was shaping up to be, with far too much sadness in the mix.
But wait… since the task of Christmas is to lighten hearts and gladden the soul, I must give you, instead, the story of The Four Farmer’s Daughters… have you heard this one? Get another cup of coffee and pull up a chair, it goes like this:
Long ago, in a previous century, four daughters were born. Two sets of sisters, farm girls all. After high school came the usual endeavors that send people their separate ways… college, extensive travel, careers, partners, children, life. Circumstance and the passage of time eventually conspired to bring the four together again some years into this century, hours spent realizing how alike they are in their world view and code of living.
These four women, now mostly past 70, have not lost touch since, and won’t. In the midst of this barren-feeling lonesome Christmas season, everybody listened to their inner angel and they spent hours… again… sharing food and conversation and knowing nothing’s changed. Oh, out there in the world, everything’s changed, but real friends don’t. That’s a supreme gift to open, one that makes everything seem possible. Keep it real in 2025.
Christmas Day this year was sweet and special in too many ways to list, but you know I’ll try. It’s hard to sort out what the whole thing is about for me now, but what remains… always… from the past and forever… is the love. It’s entirely a feel-good day if we can do it right.
Rita was here, she and I wore our Christmas jammies, the Chiefs won, and dinner was amazing.
The traditional cheese ball I hadn’t made in 30 years. The recipe holds up.
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Salmon filets in cream sauce with spinach and cherry tomatoes over Jasmine rice; candied carrots, and cheesy biscuits. And vino. Dessert was warm fruit tarts with ice cream.
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The usual suspects.
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Today we’re being hugged by a heavy fog and indoors is where it’s at. Perfect.
Let quiet and peace soak into your bones, and savor every blessing.
Holidays are hard. There… I said it. As kids we rarely pick up on the nuances of family gatherings, we’re just there to see our cousins and eat fun stuff. And then life changes, as it is wont to do, and we learn how to celebrate on a different scale, how to hold room for our memories and feelings, how to appreciate everything. It’s a lot.
Some years ago we stopped trying to live up to the noisy food-laden holidays of yore and brought the house down a little with simple, and simply wonderful, comfort food, the National Dog Show, football, the chill weather, and much laughter. So as it turns out life is in great part about taming expectations. Kim and Rita cook and bicker in the kitchen while I keep myself available for mindless tasks, and behold, a luscious meal appears. It works seamlessly, and we’re appropriately thankful for various things all day, no stress required. I love it. The mood couldn’t be more comfortable.
Still. Our hearts remember the old times, and we think of them as having been magical… everybody happy and full of love, hugs all around, nothing but peace and goodwill. With everything hanging in the balance this year, we yearn for the unity and unconditional love we think we remember, and we try to go back to a place that was never really there… kind of like Brigadoon. Silly us.
If you’re still with me, thank you for indulging this minor fit of melancholy, which I shall now attempt to put back in the box with the double-secret code on the lock. Nobody needs that stuff on a day we’re just grateful to spend together, alive and well, so tomorrow will be about the right-now, the life we have, and the people we love.
I wish the same for you, complete with everything you need.
It’s officially fall and the weather has been changing for a while now, by which I mean every day into something different from the day before. Apparently we’ve just emerged from a season called False Fall and are now into Second Summer. We’ll see where it goes from here, observing as spectators while Weather does what it will do.
Fall is always a melancholy reflective season, and true to form my thoughts have been a concoction of things heavy and light, happy and sad, profound and sublimely ridiculous. In the midst of all that I started a list the other day of personal do’s and don’ts in life’s third trimester. There’s no place I yearn to return to, so life has just one direction… forward. And I needed a little self-help with that, thus the list. The points are for me, not for advice, but if something resonates with you don’t hesitate to claim it for yourself.
So, in no special order, as they popped into my head:
I’ve stopped going to funerals, for all the reasons. My all-time personal hero oncology nurse showed me I’m not a bad person for skipping out. Do life while it’s here, no regrets, because if you’re not careful the ceremonies will overwhelm actual living.
I don’t give money to politicians unless they’re running at grassroots level and don’t have big resources. The rest start with kajillions and then ask ME for money? And then for MORE, repeatedly??
I try not to schedule morning appointments because they’re an unnecessary assault on my senses. There’s a window between lunch and dinner when I’m fully awake and human, so life outside my door is best if it happens during the afternoon hours. You know, if possible.
I don’t take advice from people whose moral code I can’t respect. People say lots of words, but when they give legs to their coldheartedness I walk away.
I don’t chase people. If you’re my friend you just are, end of story, and we always pick up where we left off.
I don’t argue online or anywhere else except for the shit I give Kim. Arguing is a demeaning process and rarely produces anything positive. People think what they think, me included.
To save misunderstandings and exhausting back & forths, I spare most people my presence most of the time. This Pollyanna has gotten over the delusion that we’re going to land on the same page and feel comfortable together again, if we ever were.
After being around older people forever, and taking care of six of them for twelve years, I had a pretty clear idea what aging would involve. Ha, ya’ think? Every day brings a surprise you weren’t waiting for, every year new challenges, things aren’t static, they change constantly, your body betrays you and so does your head. You can experience these things second-hand without absolutely KNOWING them, so expect the unexpected.
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9. Very little anymore requires my complete and undivided attention. I can still pull it up when necessary and I take it out for the occasional walk to keep it in shape. It’s on reserve, just behind the lala-life I prefer. But since complete and undivided usually denotes a problem of some sort I avoid it every way possible.
10. Mail is the bane of my existence. Doesn’t matter, snail mail or online, I can’t stick to my resolve to open every piece of information every single day, so I’m left with bulk mail that means nothing to anybody… except for THAT ONE PIECE that can’t be discarded on penalty of law!!!
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11. I have no energy for trying to convert people to a life outlook that begins with kindness. Those are the people who will talk their hair down trying to convince me how Christian they’ve always been, while fearing and despising everyone and everything not like them.
12. I’ve loved people all my life who have silently hated everything I care about while also finding me an entertaining source of gossip. That’s okay, Karma knows. The true challenges come when people I care about hate people I love. Simply a bridge too far, so adjustments have to be made.
13. If everyone suddenly liked learning new things and putting new ideas to work, the world would look shinier overnight.
There. A baker’s dozen, take or leave.
And one more: Everyone who doesn’t want fascism to replace democracy on American soil should have a current passport at the ready because we can’t see the immediate nor long-term future. The German population, right about now, thought everything was going to be okay. It wasn’t. Things are changing rapidly across our nation, which has been instantly reflected on social media, but all optimism has to be tempered with the memory of past horrifying October surprises and other killing disappointments.
The United States may continue as an intact entity or it may not. Either way, the election will be over someday, we must assume, and I’ll revert to Ms. Nice Person Who Doesn’t Talk About Things We Simply Don’t Talk About. And if the good guys win I’ll be a more accessible, less irritated old girl, more inclined to entertain the lighter side of living. What I will never be able to do is forget what so many people showed me and the rest of the world about themselves, people we once thought we knew and identified with.
It’s been an unnerving era, with ugliness abounding and hate winning out a lot of the time. I’ll open the door to my 80s in three years… how many of the wounds, how much of the heartbreak, do you think we could heal in that time frame, just for starters? I so hope the world won’t feel as cold and lonesome as it has over the past ten years and more. I’ve learned this much: being a nice person doesn’t cut it anymore, the world has changed. I’ve changed too… but I was raised to be nice and it feels okay as long as I don’t forget what truth looks like. Does America remember?
… and the flowers and the trees and the moon up above and a thing called Love.
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If you’re a regular here, you know that we hosted a mourning dove couple last spring and summer, watching them raise and fledge four sets of chicks. Kim named the parents David and Darlene Dove, and he subsequently gave monikers to each chick as they hatched. One set of babies was named Durwood and Donna, I remember. And then, right on schedule, D&D showed up here again in April this year and hatched Willie & SnoopDove… but lil’ Snoop failed to thrive. After that, D&D put one more set of eggs in the nest before they inexplicably disappeared, leaving the eggs to languish and making my Mama heart hurt.
So when a young skinny pair of doves started scoping us out in May, I feigned disinterest. Not gonna hurt me again, ‘k? Totes unaware of my sulky mood, they bypassed the wooden dove house to nest deep in the east end of the fern baskets… and kept their own counsel. Fine with me, don’t wanna know, everybody just stay in your own lane. One day both parents, whom Kim had by now named Bonnie and Clyde, were out of the nest, and a casual look-see told us that there was one tiny white egg. On a subsequent day, we saw that there were two. My interest was piqued, of course, but far be it from me to precipitate another vanishing act via simple curiosity. We’ve been stellar landlords to this point, sensitive to Bonnie & Clyde’s comings and goings, and taken care not to startle them overly much when we’re on the deck. Kim’s judicious about watering that end of the fern basket, so it’s a bit of a balancing act.
The picture looked a little like this when we finally caught on that the nursery was in business again.
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Kim went out yesterday afternoon and there was just one fat baby in the nest. By evening there were none, so a new generation of Smith-hosted mourning doves has fledged and is likely somewhere in the East Lawrence forest. They looked a lot like this before they left… shockingly “huge,” when we weren’t even sure they existed at all!
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Kim named this year’s inaugural chicks Batman and Robin, may they thrive and prosper. One of the parent doves was still hanging around at dusk yesterday, so we hope there will be eggs in the nest again soon. Que sera sera. Whatever will be will be.
In the interim, some lovely summer blossoms for all that ails our spirits.
Hot town, summer in the city Back of my neck gettin’ dirty and gritty Been down, isn’t it a pity? Doesn’t seem to be a shadow in the city All around, people lookin’ half dead Walkin’ on the sidewalk, hotter than a match head…
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Summer officially arrives here at 3:50 this afternoon, but as usual we’ve had a few show-off previews before the official date. I don’t mind the heat, I like the pace, love the sense of lazy freedom, so it’s all good. And warm. Eighties, nineties, how high will it go, boys and girls?
A cautious bit of news: We have doves again. A young skinny pair checked us out for a couple of days and decided to nest in one of our fern baskets. Our last glimpse told us there was one egg in the nest and we assume there’s another one by now, but they’re being very coy about the reveal. After Dave and Darlene disappeared I was hesitant about attaching names to any more of them, but Kim has christened these two Bonnie and Clyde and here we go.
BONNIE
CLYDE
It feels good to have them here and we’ll be looking forward to the babies. The sweetness and continuity are nice in a world where everything stays chaotic 100% of the time.
This morning it’s in the low 40s and raining intermittently out of gray skies, so winter is proving to be like many of us when it comes to letting go. Spring will gradually assert herself, however, until we’re finally in it for another cycle. Meanwhile, the yard people have been here all morning in the drizzle, mowing, raking, trimming, covering all the flower beds in rich black soil, creating the ideal environment for all those new little seeds that are just bursting to… burst forth.
Remember David and Darlene Dove, our faithful renters from last season? They’re back, big and round as robins, and in a rush to find housing. They scoped us out for several days running but we weren’t sure they’d stick around. The baskets of asparagus ferns they lived in last year aren’t planted and hung from the railing yet. Our frost-free date is still at least a couple of weeks out, so we provided temporary accommodations, anchored to the rail, and finally this morning they’ve been making themselves comfy. And when the baskets do go out, they’ll have a yard with its own canopy, lucky ducks!
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We hope they stay. They’re no muss, no fuss, the babies are cute, and they add to the general sense of peace, with their soft cooing and their willingness to share the space with us.
Now the sun’s shining and I’ve written myself happy. Hope your day has been just as sweet.
Where all my morning people at? And how you faring with the recent time change? Word on the street is that it could be one of the last times we do this… but I’ll buy that line when I see it in action since the wheels move at a glacial pace on most anything we care about.
Adjusting to change is a skill I don’t want to lose, especially since life is all ABOUT it and ya’ gotta keep up. That makes certain things unavoidable, at which point I tend to disappear for a while, a great luxury that is mine in this third trimester of living. Deep rest for mind and body adds to quality (and maybe length) of life. Worth a shot anyway.
And if one day is good, how can four or five not be BETTER? Why invite needless risk?!
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The week ahead looks promising in terms of inner peace. Only two appointments scheduled so far and both on the same day, a twofer. I’m allowing myself one last day… today… for being utterly useless in the world. Tomorrow I’ll hit it again, with intention. Meanwhile I’ll watch the wind blow as spring and winter battle it out.
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I made a very interesting discovery last week. Details soonest.
We’re in mid-winter thaw here, false spring, whatever description fits. It’s a gray rainy morning in the 50s, all our snow gone, a few people actually walking around in shirtsleeves. We’ll no doubt pay for this nice little hiatus but it’s sweet for now.
We have Jayhawk men’s basketball in the Fieldhouse this afternoon. Houston, new to the Big 12, is favored over us by a hair, so we’ll hope DaJuan, KJ, Kevin, Johnny, Hunter, Elmarko, and the rest of the force have more than a hair’s worth of difference in reserve today.
It’s been a good week here, in spite of a few mitigating circumstances. Monday was stitch-removal for the Mohs surgery on my nose and I walked out no homelier than when I walked in last week so I’m counting that as a win.
Speaking of wins, we got another one in the Fieldhouse on Tuesday night against OSU. Needed that.
Wednesday I had a consult with a doctor Kim sees and for whom he has tremendous respect. The medical part of the visit turned out to be a mere sideline, but what struck me all over again is how fortunate we are to live in the midst of the KU Med Center community. The professional level of care we’ve received here and the innate kindness we encounter in every office can’t be acknowledged enough. The dedicated and talented medical personnel we deal with month by month add a crucial layer to our quality of life that can’t be bought.
Wednesday evening brought something I’ve waited years to see… my husband not just playing guitar with other people, but singing with them. Out loud. I’ve been a little mouse behind the amp over the years as he’s steadily gotten better through hours of playing every day… but he’s always said he can’t sing. Welp, as God is my witness, if you pair his voice with one or two others that hit the right marks, I’ll listen all night. He can sing. On his own terms. It was a sweet evening.
The interesting thing about the foregoing is that it all took place under a blanket of depression that dropped onto me before I woke up Monday morning. Happens often enough that I’m used to the drill: cry first thing and get it over with; set that soul-suck package back and to the left where I can’t see it; proceed with living. I’ve learned that there’s no way to explain depression to people who’ve never really been there. They want it to be ABOUT something because that sounds fixable. There are contributing factors, but mostly depression just IS and for me the best cure is to wait it out and never let it win. I like a challenge, so don’t tell the person doing it that it can’t be done.
Three hours until game time and I’m seeing the overflow from Mass Street. Lots of cars, more than the usual number of people coming in on foot from East Lawrence dressed in KU colors, a certain buzz you can feel here even on overcast days. I love it so much, and what I tell depression is “But look how happy I feel underneath all the unwelcome angst. Look how grateful I am for life. You can go away now and save us both a lot of time and trouble.”
And if you think that incantation works like magic I still have a little bit of swampland left to sell.
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Welcome to my weekly blog on life's happiness. We are all human and we all deserve to smile. Click a blog title or scroll down. Thanks for stopping by.
Creative humour, satire and other bad ideas by Ross Murray, an author living in the Eastern Townships of Quebec, Canada. Is it truth or fiction? Only his hairdresser knows for sure.
Playing for Time 
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