A story for the new year …

Dandelion_wine

 

 

Μaybe old people were never children, like we claim with Mrs. Bentley, but, big or little, some of them were standing around at Appomattox the summer of 1865. They got Indian vision and can sight back further than you and me will ever sight ahead.”

“That sounds swell, Doug; what does it mean?”

Douglas went on writing. “It means you and me ain’t got half the chance to be far-travelers they have. If we’re lucky we’ll hit forty, forty-five, fifty. That’s just a jog around the block to them. It’s when you hit ninety, ninety-five, a hundred, that you’re far-traveling like heck.”

The flashlight went out.

They lay there in the moonlight.

“Tom,” whispered Douglas, “I got to travel all those ways. See what I can see. But most of all I got to visit Colonel Freeghleigh once, twice, three times a week. He’s better than all the other machines. He talks, you listen. And the more he talks he gets you to peering around and noticing things. He tells you you’re riding on a very special train, by gosh, and sure enough it’s true. He’s been down the track, and knows. And now here we come, you and me, along the same track, but further on, and so much looking and snuffling and handling things to do, you need old Colonel Freeleigh to shove and say look alive so you remember every second! Every darn thing there is to remember! So when kids come around when you’re real old, you can do for them what the colonel once did for you. That’s the way it is, Tom, I got to spend a lot of time visiting him and listening so I can go far-traveling with him as often as he can.”

Tom was silent a moment. Then he looked over at Douglas there in the dark.
“Far-traveling, you make that up?”

“Maybe yes and maybe no.”

“Far-traveling,” whispered Tom.

“Only one thing I’m sure of,” said Douglas, closing his eyes, “it sure sounds lonely.”

(Ray Bradbury, “Dandelion Wine”, 1946)

… grateful to my friend Angela Petraline for sharing

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What scares you?

Not BOOGA-BOOGA pants-crapping scared, where your skin crinkles up and makes little screeching noises with sparklers on the ends.  More like what are you AFRAID of … that fundamental sense of dread that a cog will drop into a random sprocket somewhere and life will change.  Fear of loss is a keen motivator — what else drives us with that same force?

But what if life changed and you lived through it?  And what if that happened over and over ’til you realized how brave you were and then you just started doing things and saying things you didn’t know you could do and say?  What if people didn’t get any of that at all and you didn’t care?  What if you just started kicking ass, including your own, and life really did change and you wouldn’t change it back if you had the chance?  WHAT IF?  Not the question I want to be asking myself when I’m gearing up for the choir eternal.  What if I’d done all those things I knew I could do?  What if I’d let myself be who I knew I was?  And to quote Captain Obvious, what if I’d just been nicer?  Regret, let’s not go there.

Holy balls, I’ve survived too long to let fear force me back into the box, and by now he’s like an old friend anyway, sort of.  You know, keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and your powder dry.

“I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise.”  ~Dawna Markova

 

William Stafford

 

 

i could have eaten that

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Going now …

you couldn’t let go

didn’t know how

so freedom is extracted

at the price of tears you cannot shed.

don’t grovel

reject mawkishness

you had time to get it right

density is no alibi.

you built this

don’t even think of crying

hot tears ice over

if they can’t be shared.

 

all good just late

but

better late than never.

 

separation

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hiding in haiku …

breezes blowing soft

heat to follow on their heels

freezes coming next

 

StrangeWeather.2a

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I don’t ask for much …

"She did not need much, wanted very little.
 A kind word, sincerity, fresh air, clean water,
   a garden, kisses, books to read, sheltering arms,
   a cozy bed, and to love and be loved in return."

~Starra Neely Blade

When it’s over …

“When it’s over, I want to say:  all my life

I was a bride married to amazement.

I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it is over, I don’t want to wonder

if I have made of my life something particular, and real.

I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,

or full of argument.

I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.”

~Mary Oliver

Favim.com-727_thumb

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An Anthem to Old Affinities

I was never what you wanted me to be ...
 your requirements were too cramped, my heart too wide,
 and my eyes would not un-see
 what you didn't know you'd showed me,
 so I sweetly held my tongue and played the game.

I could now explain and justify ... but why?
 Degradation is an IOU due no one, self-abasement ... 
     a crushing mortal sin.
 The choices have been made
 and life moves on.
 There's surely nothing helpful left to say.

I never hated you for what you didn't want to know,
 just wished your certainty extended outward.
 And yet ... what does it matter in the end ...
 for you are only you and I am I,
 as regrets and might-have-beens all fade to black.

Judy L. Smith
Copyright April 2013

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