gratitude | Playing for Time

Well, would ya’ look at that…

01 Sep 2023 2 Comments

Darleen, contemplating another sojourn on the Smith balcony.

***

O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! Dave and Dar are back and have refurbished their safe nest for Round Four, so summer truly isn’t over ’til the hefty girl tunes up. Wednesday night we paid proper attention to the Super Blue Moon while celebrating continuity and prolific breeders. What a joy knowing these peaceable doves have tolerated us enough to hang around all summer, and with their patient response to the cycles of life they remind us every day that we’ve 100% survived everything to this point so we should press on. This morning there’s one egg in the nest and Darleen is apparently out carb-loading for the second, all’s temporarily right with the world, and despite news to the contrary, I’m encouraged. I hope you’re feeling that way, too.

After a lifetime of Pollyanna-like hopefulness I’m still at it, still looking for the pony in the manure pile and believing against all odds that life is a GOOD thing.

Now we greet September and the season of letting go. Fall is inherently melancholy for its endings, in fact positively maudlin on my part for endless years until I finally grasped that without endings, beginnings become moot… the world, never mind the human heart, can’t contain it all. So we learn and we let go. We forever honor the past but accept its immutable status and embrace the beginnings… all of the incredible do-overs we’re privileged to encounter.

Forgetting. It’s one small grace we’re afforded… a vital ingredient of being human. If we’re lucky we don’t remember every single detail with its accompanying emotions, thus enabling us to go on human-ing until we’re done. There’s a clear way to help our friends and family with the process and that’s to provide them with less to plow through on days when the sun doesn’t shine…

Summer officially ends in three weeks, so our supply of sunlight will gradually decrease until spring comes ’round again… and it will. Meanwhile, brighten the corner where you are, your friends and neighbors will benefit.

Image by Judy Smith

Tales of day-to-day breathing…

27 Aug 2023 2 Comments

Photo Credit: Kim Smith, August 2023

***

Cheers to us, we survived the Great Mid-America Smoke-Out 2023 without becoming cinders! Ten days of ridiculous temps and even sillier heat indexes, such as 127° one day and 130° another. Inconceivable. Now we’re promised a gaggle of days, maybe an entire week, of temps below 100. I remain a skeptic…

But oh, my sweet summer child, yesterday dawned cool and cloudy before delivering an all-too-brief but thoroughly welcome fall of rain, temporarily vanquishing the heat. Today as soon as Kim left for Pickleball I abandoned my lovely mug of coffee, put on my Tevas, and took myself out into the 66° morning for a sweet stroll on Mass Street. It was just past 7am on a Sunday, so the businesses weren’t open yet, allowing me to gawk and stare at my leisure. In the three-block stretch I walked, I discovered several new enterprises, a restaurant that has moved from another location, and merchandise that would have tempted me had the doors been open. So early-morning walking is an excellent idea for many reasons.

After the rain showers yesterday we spent time on the balcony in the company of our little dove family. David and Darleen came back to us to raise yet a third pair of fledglings and they’ve done well without our solicitous attention this time around. It’s like baby books… by the third child, possibly the only things that get recorded are name, birthdate, weight, and length. We’re the world’s worst grandparents, as we haven’t even gotten around to naming the two that will fly on their own any day now. It’s for the best, really, since according to Buddha, “Attachment is the source of all suffering.” Do with that as you will.

While we were enjoying the cool breezes, Kim pointed out a ruptured bag of odds & ends down on the greenway and said he was going to go gather it up in a bit. A “bit” went by and we noticed a couple walking along the sidewalk, she with two dogs on leashes, he pulling a wagon holding a 5-gallon bucket, trash bags, and other things we couldn’t make out. He wore gloves, and as they walked he used a grabber to pick up bits of trash and stow them in the wagon. We waited to see what would transpire when they reached the mess lying next to one of the access-ways, and they did not disappoint. Working together, the two of them sorted and bagged every smidgen of the scattered eyesore and continued down the sidewalk, still tidying as they went. Incredible. We clapped and cheered, but they couldn’t hear us up here. It was such a typical #lfk experience it made us reflect on other reasons we feel at home in this town… so summer balcony convos have been redeemed. Reclaiming my time!

Mass Street by Kim Smith, August 2023

Makes for very Zen strolling from north to south and back, about a 40-minute trip for Kim. By now, at 9am, it will be looking very people-y over there and the coffee and breakfast aromas are taking over. Good to know there’s a ranch omelet in my near future, and the coffee’s pure comfort.

Please stay cool every chance you get, and keep passing the open windows.

Image by Judy Smith

What is life, if not a gamble?

17 Aug 2023 Leave a comment

***

LIFE IS LIKE A DECK OF CARDS

Hearts, diamonds, spades, clubs.

Hearts = LOVE

Diamonds = WEALTH

Spades = INDUSTRY

Clubs = WAR

Most every society known to man has started from LOVE, in the form of an idea, a mutual goal, a dream.

In lucky cases the dream becomes WEALTH.

Wealth propagates greater and better INDUSTRY.

And INDUSTRY eventually, inevitably, turns to WAR for sustenance because there is no WEALTH-provider more generous.

Therefore, WEALTH, INDUSTRY, and WAR have been anointed the great protectors of LOVE, the place where everything originates.

Have we missed the point entirely? Repeatedly, ad infinitum? Is LOVE even still the goal? Is it winning any WARS in this millennium?

LOVE holds layers and implies much: Freedom, first of all. And at the very least, intimacy, passion, and commitment. Without it, humanity is dead in the water, so what’s the point of endless WEALTH, INDUSTRY, and WAR?

As Country Joe and the Fish put it in 1967…

And it’s one, two, three,

What are we fighting for ?

Don’t ask me, I don’t give a damn,

Next stop is Vietnam;

And it’s five, six, seven,

Open up the pearly gates,

Well there ain’t no time to wonder why,

Whoopee! we’re all gonna die.

Can someone tell me in what ways the American psyche has changed in the nearly 60 years since those lyrics were written? Nobody? Damn, I was really hoping somebody would be able to point to some positives as a bit of reassurance to all of us that LOVE is indeed still the point.

In an era when the laws of natural selection are playing hell with continued evolution, it becomes ever more crucial to keep the main thing the main thing. And LOVE isn’t just the main thing… it’s the ONLY thing.

JSmith 08/17/2023 with thx to Kim Smith for his generous insight during spa time.

Image by Judy Smith

Out On a Limb

15 Aug 2023 4 Comments

***

When I am very old I shall live in a tiny house

nestled in the arms of a generous tree.

I’ll sleep late some mornings, past ten even,

and wake to birdsong, filtered sunlight,

and coffee made by tree fairies.

My address will be known mostly to squirrels, birds,

and the occasional drone, with a path just witchy enough

to make a poser think twice before approaching.

The views will be so spectacular I’ll seldom be tempted

to reorient to ground level, and anyway there will be stairs.

Or maybe I’ll install a giant slide, because although I’ll be very old

I’ll never not be a kid.

My books will live with me, and there will be two kittens

who will snuggle me as my bones grow tenuous.

They’ll absorb the words I cannot speak

and absolve me of every shortcoming

because they will have no stake in any of it.

I will at last be thin again unless the birds have mercy on me with sustenance,

but it won’t be as I imagined so I shall henceforth, from today, honor my squishiness while it lasts.

Those who want to gaze upon my astounding wrinklyness,

under cover of having “coffee, or tea, or drinkies,”

will be turned away in lieu of those who know me.

The ones – you know who you are – used to my stubborn opinions mixed with naiveté,

the never-ending search for validation, explanation, justification, restitution,

the neediness that dares not name itself.

When I am very very old, I shall be wise.

I will comprehend mysteries.

I will know The Meaning of Life.

Or not. Time, as “they” say, will tell.

But won’t you be lonely? you ask.

Of course, isn’t everyone?

JSmith 08/15/2023

Image by Judy Smith

Are we becalmed?

07 Aug 2023 Leave a comment

***

I’ve been off on sabbatical again, is everybody still okay? This is the summer of figuring out WhatTheHell, and it’s going swimmingly, starting with the weather. Weirdly for August in Kansas, nearly every morning starts with a hint of sunshine before morphing into yet another grayish overcast day with all the heat held firmly in place. This week the forecast says we’ll get a break, with temps in the lower 80s… but also with the humidity in those same numbers if not higher. It’s summertime, it’s da vey dey do, and I’m merely adding (unnecessary) commentary.

Life is, in fact, quite good of course. We have family in town visiting, and more to arrive today, people we haven’t seen in ten years, so that’s a very sweet thing. The food and drink at this establishment (Kim’s kitchen) continues in its customary stellar fashion; we’re maintaining a facsimile of robust health; and we sleep safe every night. I communicate with someone who lives in Ukraine, and I know that for her, her husband, and their country the idea of sleeping in comfort and security is the stuff of dreams now. It’s impossible to put down in words sometimes how precious and unbelievable life is, because it’s so very relative. What it looks like to each of us depends on where we find ourselves on the planet, which patch of earth is “ours,” so we build the dream according to what seems almost possible and then reach beyond it.

As dreams go, I saved this one for Kim. It looks like something he would actually build and enjoy living in, provided there were drop-down window coverings for coziness.

If there’s something that would make today better for you, DO THAT. There’s no rule that we get only one of those a week, or even just one a day, so don’t think you’re being selfish by claiming the good stuff. It’s nice when you can pay it forward, though.

Image by Judy Smith

Into each life some rain must fall…

31 Jul 2023 4 Comments

***

Hey, hi, just had to stop in and tell you about our wild storm last night during which we had a sky full of lightning, heavy-duty thunder, pounding rain, and 70mph winds. It tumped over a “tree” on our balcony and had the furniture dancing around like crazy, but there’s no actual damage we can spot from our vantage point, although last night the big trees across the street were whipping in such crazy circles it wouldn’t have shocked us to see a few lift their roots and follow the wind on its journey. All was quiet on the eastern front when we went to bed, but Kim said thunder and lightning woke him very early, and it was still raining when I got up at 6:30. There was the faintest pink glow on the horizon, but no light showed itself for what felt like hours. Dark, quiet, lovely morning, and all the rain will be lifesaving when scorching days return, by which I mean tomorrow. After a lifetime spent in the far southwest corner of Kansas, weather forecasts still fascinate me. Out there, if the chance of rain was anything below 50%, go ahead and plan your big outdoor family reunion. Here, above 15% and you’re prolly gonna be looking for shelter at some point.

It takes some of us a lifetime to find home, but here I am at last, big sigh. My dad’s great-grandparents disembarked in New York Harbor after their voyage from Germany, and they, along with their nine sons and three daughters, found their way here to the northeast corner of Kansas where a smattering of kin had preceded them. The sons were newly ransomed from Kaiser Bill’s army, no doubt looking forward to a life that held more freedom of spirit than they’d previously known, and I’m grateful for their wisdom in settling among hills, trees, and abundant water. I’m also glad they left a few bread crumbs for their unseen descendants.

Guess who’s back? The Doves, David & Darleen! We’ve seen them off and on since they raised their second set of twins, and a few days ago they started checking us out in earnest again. They carefully lined their previous nest with fresh twigs, and this morning Dar’s ensconced with likely at least one egg under her so far. It feels good that they choose to be here with us and that our ins and outs don’t spook them. Everybody likes being chosen, right?

Have a Zen Monday. If it didn’t start out that way, do a plot switch and make it right, it isn’t too late.

Image by Judy Smith

Waking… rising…

30 Jun 2023 2 Comments

***

Every day the clock resets, offering a fresh chance to get it right. We sleep the “little death” and wake to sunlight that says it’s time to live again, everything new, all for the taking. Each day brings something good/interesting/enlightening if we’re awake for it and can work through yesterday’s detritus in short order.

Speaking of change, sometime in the past hour our renters seem to have flown the coop. Both offspring were in the nest when I got up, stretching their wings and testing them in the wind under the ferns. Went out a bit ago and nobody home. So the Dove family, David and Darleen and their two sets of twins, are likely off somewhere in the East Lawrence forest, doing whatever birds do with their summers. We barely got to know this latest set of chicks, Durwood and Donna, before they ditched the down and ducked out. Derek and Diane, the first set, provided our learning curve, and the whole family sweetened springtime for us so we hope they’ll check us out again next year.

Now summer is here and July arrives tomorrow. I scheduled my next five-week haircut the other day and it puts me into August, a fact which made me catch my breath. Life is a headlong rush from cradle to grave… unless it drags endlessly, each day and its dark night seeming both terminal and a life-sentence… pick your poison, although we rarely get to choose.

So yeah, summertime in Kansas. Totally unpredictable. Tie everything down for which you have a big enough bungie cord and enjoy.

A postscript: I went out just now and there were Durwood and Donna, snug in the nest, smug about knowing how to fly, and contemplating their next foray. So that cozy little bower is still home, or at least a way station, for a bit yet and we aren’t sad about that.

Image by Judy Smith

Life aboard the Big Blue Marble…

29 Jun 2023 1 Comment

***

In a hyper-conscious moment here and there as we trek through our days, we might happen to remember that we’re on a large intricate rock hurtling through space. But it’s mostly an incomprehensible thing that we take for granted nearly every second of our lives, so I love what astronomer, astrophysicist, cosmologist, astrobiologist, planetary science guy Carl Sagan said…

“Look again at that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every ‘superstar,’ every ‘supreme leader,’ every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there — on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.” -Carl Sagan

One of the last known images captured by Japan’s Hakuto-R lander before crashing into the moon shows a stunning ‘Earthrise,’ with the shadow of the moon creeping over Australia during a total solar eclipse. (Image credit: ispace)

In light of the facts…

Simply an observation agreed with.

We live in a world where unimaginable things happen, are quickly dispensed with, and are rarely spoken of again. A significant for-instance:

The daily shootings, immigrants drowning by the boatload, concerted efforts globally to stamp out any and all differences — racially, sexually, politically, philosophically, artistically, or in terms of values and relationships, ALL difference, as it presents itself. The whack-a-mole approach to control.

Thus, for all the reasons…

And we think it’s our fault somehow, which only tends to illuminate the fact that we’ve been trained to see ourselves as a super-race, immune to death and failure. What I know after the dust has settled is this:

If calm hasn’t traditionally been your first response to life, it feels magical when it comes to you.

We could all likely benefit from supporting Teri in her pursuit of self-fulfillment…

Your beverage of choice, but fight.

Image by Judy Smith

The gifts of summer…

23 Jun 2023 Leave a comment

***

Summer Solstice… missed it right by. So it happened without me, as most of life does, and we’re swimming in summer vibes now, even though it all looks the same from my windows. I’m finishing a big project for a friend this weekend along with a few other things, and then the assignment will be to screw my head on straight for a while. Time to reestablish the routine where I get up and do the things, including a daily stroll without excuses, so I can fall asleep at night feeling okay about myself.

Anyway, hi summer, glad you made it. Someone asked me the other day about my plans for the fall and it took me a minute to realize they were talking about October, not the collapse of society. Sigh… it’s an old joke by now.

I hope you feel free as a bird this summer, with plans you can take or leave as the mood dictates. Things are copacetic here, notwithstanding the ridiculous perpetual angst of the person writing. Sweet thing yesterday… I went out on the balcony to check on Kim’s strawberries, bent over, scrabbled around in the planter throwing out dry leaves and other detritus, and when I straightened up I was eye to eye with Mr. David Dove, who neither blinked nor flinched. Not a feather moved, in fact he seemed quite relaxed and happy to be right where he was. He wasn’t there when I stepped out, so he had to have purposely landed precisely in front of me, and I swear he was smiling softly. I had a quiet convo with him, telling him again how happy we are to have him and Darleen and their little broods camping with us. When I came back inside, he hopped over to the nest, switched places with Dar, settled in, and looked snoozy immediately. It feels… sacred… to be adopted by a small creature who senses I could harm it, but chooses trust over fear.

It’s pretty cozy in there.

Since childhood I’ve heard all sorts of things about what it means when you start talking to yourself. I’ll tell you what it means – it means nobody else is around at the moment to talk to. I didn’t used to like myself very much, but since getting to know me a little better, I’m really enjoying the friendly banter that goes on here, plus I give great advice. And take this with a grain of salt because I don’t know what I’m talking about, but word on the street is that knowledgeable conversation with yourself means you’re going sane instead of crazy. Think about THAT.

So yeah, making those lists, checking them twice, and we’ll see what happens.

And this, in ways known only to me, is related:

My Christmas wish for me and everyone I know.

I like it when you’re smiling, so here’s a little gem from the week. The woman who bought my farm was a District Judge, now Chief Judge, and one day about ten years ago while she was in court her niece played secretary in her office. The judge returned to find this… and I assume other treasures.

Forecast for the next few days is hot and sunny. Enjoy!

Image by Judy Smith

Good thing wrinkles don’t hurt…

20 Jun 2023 1 Comment

***

Good morning. Remember my childlike boasts about how much I love getting older? Of course you do. You said at the time, “Who does she think she’s kidding?” There are days when I do sort of hate it, but not as much as I despise the idea of being dead, so when I meet a compadre on the road from here to there, it means everything. I’m letting that fellow pilgrim speak for me this morning:

The other day, a young person asked me: – “What does it feel like to be old?”

I was very surprised by the question, since I did not consider myself old. When he saw my reaction, he was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question. And after reflection, I concluded that getting old is a gift.

Sometimes I am surprised at the person who lives in my mirror. But I don’t worry about those things for long. I wouldn’t trade everything I have for a few less gray hairs and a flat stomach. I don’t scold myself for not making the bed, or for eating a few extra “little things.” I am within my rights to be a little messy, to be extravagant, and to spend hours staring at my flowers.

I have seen some dear friends leave this world before they had enjoyed the freedom that comes with growing old.

Who cares if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 in the morning and then sleep until who knows what time?

I will dance with me to the rhythm of the 50’s and 60’s. And if later I want to cry for some lost love… I will!

I’ll walk down the beach in a swimsuit that stretches over my plump body and dive into the waves, letting myself go, despite the pitying looks of the bikini-wearers. They’ll get old too, if they’re lucky…

It is true that through the years my heart has ached for the loss of a loved one, for the pain of a child, or for seeing a pet die. But it is suffering that gives us strength and makes us grow. An unbroken heart is sterile and will never know the happiness of being imperfect.

I am proud to have lived long enough for my hair to turn gray and to retain the smile of my youth before the deep furrows appeared on my face.

Now, to answer the question honestly, I can say: -I like being old, because old age makes me wiser, freer!

I know I’m not going to live forever, but while I’m here I’m going to live by my own laws, those of my heart.

I’m not going to regret what wasn’t, nor worry about what will be.

In the time that remains, I will simply love life as I did until today, the rest I leave to God.

Dame Judy Dench

***

Image by Judy Smith

Resume, and I don’t mean resumé…

19 Jun 2023 Leave a comment

***

Good morning, constituents. I’m not running for anything today or ever, so the planet is safe. And if you’ve been here a while, you know I write selfishly – entirely at the behest of my own psyche. Some of us understand that we’re cautionary tales rather than shining examples, but “what not to do” can prove helpful too, so I lay it all out here for those following behind. Which brings me to a question… WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME?? Get a life, for the love of god!

So last Thursday I took a No-Brainer Day in the name of health and sanity. https://playingfortimeblog.com/2023/06/16/hitting-the-pause-button/

That was so beneficial I sent said brain on an extended vacation, whereupon it theoretically burrowed underground until this morning. I must tell you that it’s a heady Zen rush to sit here in my allotted space and gently remind myself that if it’s outside these walls it’s what’s called “not my responsibility” for now. I’m well aware that it’s a trick to find any space for yourself, anywhere, without simply claiming it and walking off with it. And for years on end, all most of us can claim is the will to live on behalf of everyone around us. Also, that dazzling realization of our own personal worth and therefore rights… that’s hard-earned for some of us even after most of the heavy responsibilities fall away. It sucks to get this long in the tooth before claiming yourself, so don’t. Do it now, you’re you, nobody else is ever going to be that gift in the world so don’t waste time.

It triggers empathetic guilt to tell you this, but for three days, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, I did the absolute bare minimum for survival while everything settled back into its rightful order. This vital mini-vacay was entirely made possible, by which I mean enabled, by Kim. You knew that.

Yesterday evening we walked down to Cider Gallery for some of the most incredible musicianship I’ve witnessed in this town and that’s saying a LOT. Lawrence has been a launching pad for bands and solo artists over the years who play gigs here while in transit from Kansas City to Denver. Last night’s two groups were local but may not stay that way, so if you see the name Sky Smeed and/or Signal Ridge, remember where you heard it first. And run, don’t walk, to soak up the pure delight.

All said, this crone is awake on a Monday morning, coffee’d up and ready to roll. Priorities will rule the day:

Those clothes you put in the washer before Cider Gallery yesterday? Run ’em through a rinse and get them into the dryer, STAT.
Be a fully-fledged human, insofar as is reasonable for Monday.
Keep your word, do the things, and stay true north.

***

Image by Judy Smith

Hitting the pause button…

16 Jun 2023 Leave a comment

***

All week I had the dumb and couldn’t brain, so I took a No-Brainer Day yesterday to reset. Went for a walk around the neighborhood, slept for four hours, then spent the remainder of the day doing mindless things on my computer, by which I mean I cleaned out both of my Messenger apps click by click because I couldn’t force “select all” to function. I was horrified to find in iMessenger that everything sent or received since 2012 was still there! How do these things happen?? Welp, somebody goes mentally AWOL for five or ten years while pain runs the show and it all stacks up, the evidence doesn’t lie. I was born with a Siamese twin named Anxiety so she’s never not been attached to me. An ordered existence goes far in keeping her quiet, but she could tear up an anvil in a heartbeat if I didn’t watch her, so she has to be considered in every equation. She was feeling much better by bedtime last night.

So an intentional Get Yourself Better Day turned out to be exactly what the doctor ordered: the brain fog lifted, the thinking processes lined up straighter, and a probable answer broke through. Pretty sure my anti-seizure Rx was working overtime, rendering me near-comatose since sleepiness is a side effect if the drug doesn’t have enough to do. BINGO. I cut yesterday’s doses in half and felt the difference within hours. So. ONWARD. The good news is that the focal seizures have been very much under control lately, so no worries.

My secret plan is to go underground for the weekend and show up Monday morning ready to function as a human. Stay tuned.

Meanwhile, a few topical memes on our way to doing Friday right, starting with today’s PRIDE MONTH post:

Topic of the week (read century). Leaving this here for posterity’s sake.

And this last one is for all the feelers who water the earth with our tears and drive the macho-macho-race mad with frustration. I encounter something to cry about at every turn in the day so sometimes I try to get that over with first thing in the morning. Just have a good cry about EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY and proceed, Guv’nah. Then later, when touching or infuriating things pop up, I can say “Nope, gave at the office, already cried my quota for the day, c’mon inner peace.” Believe it or not, I am kicking the snot out of it… it actually works. Sometimes.

Why we cry.

It seems happy little Pollyanna’s work here is done for now, so it’s time to toddle off and scrounge up something more nourishing than coffee before I get on with doing as little as possible. You know what feels good and right on a Friday or any other day ending in “y”? Self-care without guilt. Don’t wait ’til you’re past 75 to try it.

Live your story. Right now.

Image by Judy Smith

Watch yourself, it’s HumpDay…

14 Jun 2023 2 Comments

***

A glorious June morning is underway, full of promise if you’re here for it. My self-assigned mission today is two-fold: reading and writing. Reading for fun and profit, interspersed with terrifying moments of writing for angst and amnesty. BOWLING FOR AMNESTY! She has a working title, boys and girls… and, we’re ROLLING!

At more than three-quarters of a century into this preposterous human experiment, I should be able to state one thing with certainty, and it turns out I can: This whole thing is insane. We emerge as the most helpless of creatures on earth, claw our way toward adulthood, gain awareness of our frightening awareness, and scream our way to the grave, because… insanity. I ask you, is there more fun to be had anywhere? We’ll never know.

There are things we CAN know, however, and do. For instance, I know the following to be true:

I read the entire poem knowing I recognized that voice, and when I saw Mary Oliver’s name at the bottom I burst into tears of joy over unexpectedly meeting up with an old friend out here in the wilderness. We crazies find each other, in this life or the next.

The world has never felt more tenuous… more divided… less inclusive. So we must each do our part to counteract that state:

Wherever you are as you read this, STOP. Sit very still and let yourself relax from your toenails up. If you’re blessed with quiet right now, relax every cell all the way to the top of your head. Breathe. It feels really good, so do it some more. While you’re letting it all go, have a soft little conversation with yourself: You didn’t make the world the way it is. This brokenness is not your fault. Breathe in. Accept the good and the right and the real. You know how to be kind. Do that. Breathe out. Reject the existential pain that permeates everything now. Let it go. One individual human heart can’t contain what’s out there, so we have to simply lay it down and accept that being here for it is enough. And when we feel somewhat healed and therefore brave… we bear witness.

Image by Judy Smith

Slow-walking it to summer…

09 Jun 2023 2 Comments

***

So far it’s been a slow month in “paradise” and that’s lovely. The morning temperature was perfect during my stroll and nothing hurt, so I’m two for three at this point.

I remember 40. It was just a hint of how shockingly life and death can deal with us. No worries, walk it off.

And so did you. Celebrate!

June is PRIDE Month, and with friends and family on every part of the LGBTQ spectrum I’d be an unfeeling idiot not to state my support.

Every LGBTQ human feels all of this and more, every day of their lives.

This will feel like a 90° tire-screeching left-hand turn but it’s relevant, so keep your arms inside the vehicle at all times and do not attempt to disembark until the ride comes to a complete stop:

Abject confession, I have been this person.

DISCLAIMER: I’ve never made friends easily and can think of only a few people with whom I’ve felt a true bond, but I attract the needy like flies to honey. Something about that equation makes people want to challenge me in order to back me down on what my personal moral code looks like, and I’ve had to not only unfriend them but block them, because they don’t give up. This is relevant because longtime acquaintances I once thought of as friends have felt compelled to convince me of the errors in my thinking, trying to wear me to a nubbin on the “gay” conversation, among others. Let me just say for the record that persistence does not equal veracity and I won’t be tuning in to the gaslighting and shaming. Ever.

Image by Judy Smith

Walk it off…

08 Jun 2023 2 Comments

***

It’s 9:30am and whatever else happens on this Thursday in June, my day is already complete because I went for a walk. Third morning in a row, a block further each time, go me. Everything else this week is gravy because the walking is my only solid commitment. Next week we’ll add things like projects, writing, and interacting with the world and see how that goes.

In the ongoing quiet it’s been all about the thinking this week here in my ivory tower, not always a positive trend. I appreciate when someone says with a meme what I haven’t managed to suss out in hours at the keyboard, so here’s a little batch of truth I’ve gathered for us over the past couple of weeks:

It starts here, and if you know, you know…

Sucks to be a witch.

And leads here…

And disappoint you will, because feelers can’t follow the rulz.

Here’s a clue for when you find yourself wondering WTF…

Don’t be a patsy to their mindset.

We all fall prey at some point, so fix it and go on.

Events this week have demonstrated that chaos is loose in the world in ways we’ve never witnessed until now. It’s a challenge to stay positive and to believe that it will all get better, if never the same again. It would be a grace not to care, not to have a stake in any of it, not to cry over the brokenness everywhere. However…

It’s Thursday, which in #lfk starts the weekend. Finish strong and never let the misbegotten wear you down.

Image by Judy Smith

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