The Art of Survival

survivor

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Fall … it’s in the air!

hello september

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Save the drama for ya’ mama …

There are a million things involved in a move.  First of all, way more work than you ever dreamed.  Changes in every direction.  Base lines to reestablish — we go here for groceries, there for prescriptions, and all those other places for everything else.  Life turns upside down for a while, and not all of it feels good.

But then there are the unexpected bonuses, the stuff you never really thought about.  And I can’t think of a better bonus than leaving drama behind.  When we left, all that exhausting craaazy that was attached to our former lives fell away.  Ceased to exist.  We were so covered up with moving it took a while to realize why we felt so zen, but once we figured it out we vowed not to go there again.  Ever.

I can never remember to check my blood pressure, but I’m pretty sure it runs lower than it used to.  I sleep like there’s no tomorrow.  Deep, restful sleep, for ten hours a night or more.  That’s never happened before.

It’s occurred to me in the past few days that I will do anything legal, moral, and not too stupid to keep from being dragged back into <<<< Stresssss Worrrrllldd>>>>.   We like this too much, we’ve settled into our own little routines too well, fallen in love with feeling happy and at peace too deeply, freed ourselves too ruthlessly from the things that don’t fit, to ever go back.

One of the most liberating things in life is the word “no.”  Prolly gonna be using it unreservedly.

 

just-say-no

 

Staying in the swim …

We’ve recently changed up our exercise routine because Kim needs to rest his ankle and shoulder, so he’s off the racquetball court and I’m out of Aqua Zumba for now.  Instead we’re swimming laps in the early mornings.  Our spring/summer schedule filled up when we weren’t paying attention, so the earlier start every day has been a good thing, and Kim’s owies are starting to like the new regimen.

One of my last class sessions was something I’m glad I didn’t miss — you can’t prepare for serendipities, you just have to be lucky enough to notice all the little nudges that take you through your days in style.

Okay, I need to tell you that when John was just out of college and starting his first career, he got involved with an organization that provided a social life for developmentally-challenged young adults.  His stories were funny and endearing, and it was clear right away that he had a gift for what he was doing.  He eventually went on to exchange his design career for one as an oncology RN, and he’s not only really good at that, his tenderness for his first clients has stayed with me.

So there was a morning a while back when I’d almost skipped Zumba class … again.  But hey, I showed up.  I was in the water warming up when the door opened and a young guy with killer abs walked in, followed by several men of mostly indeterminate age and clearly working under challenges of various sorts.  Nice Ab Guy asked if this was Zumba class and I said yes.  He asked the instructor if it would be okay for them to work out with us and she said of course!  So he helped the other guys tighten their waistband drawstrings, finessed ear and nose plugs, and coaxed them into the shallow end of the pool.  They were none too sure about the whole thing, but their shy smiles were to die for.  The eldest had scars over his back and arms that looked like severe burn damage and I prayed that some inferior human creature hadn’t hurt him on purpose.

The music cranked up, loud as always, and the new guys, with encouragement from a dozen or more mamas, got into it.  Ab Man was born to dance, and obviously to help people who need him.  The sweet guy with the burn scars was so sincere and earnest about trying to keep up with the moves, I had to put my face in the water to camo the tears.  One young guy spent his time looking around, blowing bubbles, and making the water splash big.   He may have had the best time of anyone.  Every glance at one of us asked “Is this okay?  Can I do this?”  When class ended we all told them to be sure and come back, but that didn’t happen before I dropped out.  I hope they remember their time with us as one of the really good days.

I’m lazy and whiny and it’s almost second nature for me to pick the easy way if there is one.  Those guys’ lives are hard in ways I’ll never experience, but they keep going and they’re as stoic as anyone I’ve ever seen.  I hope the people they encounter will be unfailingly kind to them and that even though they’ve been burned by life they’ll never lose those shy sweet smiles and their willingness to be and do and keep on giving.  I have no right to even ask that … but there’s so much they can teach the rest of us and we need them.

 

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Rawrrrr …

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March has come in like a lion … will it scamper away like a lamb?  Spring is out there somewhere, babies, long experience says so.  

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Love and Risk

“The shattering of a heart when being broken is the loudest quiet ever.”

Carroll Bryant

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Greetings, February …

The year moves on.  I hope it’s filled with love for you …

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No compromise …

Come at me, life …

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Why we write …

we write

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Tell me about epiphany in your life!

Everyone needs an epiphany for the new year and mine showed up this morning when I was making the bed.  While I was looking out over the snowy rooftops of the town we love, a thought exploded in my brain.  I’m in the process of checking for collateral damage from the explosion, but the idea itself came on like a freight train:  “Why are you still holding a grudge against the people who got you to this wonderful place?”

Why indeed.  Toward the end of December, WordPress put out a Daily Prompt that said “Share a story where it was very difficult for you to forgive the perpetrator for wronging you, but you did it — you forgave them.”  Someone instantly came to mind and I kept thinking about her off and on until this morning’s little gift.  I knew she’d wronged me, and I knew I hadn’t forgiven her.

Wikipedia says:  “An epiphany is an experience of sudden and striking realization.  Generally the term is used to describe scientific breakthrough, religious or philosophical discoveries, but it can apply in any situation in which an enlightening realization allows a problem or situation to be understood from a new and deeper perspective.”

Exactly.  It was suddenly clear to me that if it hadn’t been for the wild whims and incomprehensible decisions on the part of Kim’s boss, we’d still be caught in our old life.  Instead, we’ve been able in the last four months to exchange:

  • seriously reclusive habits … for a busy, fun, crazy social life;
  • a smattering of fast-food places and Mexican restaurants … for nearly every possible food category, in abundance;
  • a once-in-a-while opportunity to go to a concert … for a nightly offering of live music from around the world;
  • limited opportunity to be part of a vital, welcoming theatre community … for nearly unlimited ways to do so;
  • a situation where we were two blue marbles in an enormous sea of red … for being part of a big blue sea;
  • feeling like a couple of sore thumbs … for feeling accepted; or to channel Sally Fields, for knowing that “these people like us.”

And there’s so very much more.  We love it here.

But we’d still be immersed in our same old situation if not for Kim’s boss giving him an ultimatum:  NO days off during the run of a show.  That would have meant twenty-three straight working days every other month, many of them 12 to 14 hours on his feet, with no break, seven months out from a serious heart attack and bypass surgery.  I was livid — this woman was trying to kill my husband!  She’d already stacked his schedule to the max — this was the last straw.  I put my foot down.  The job ended abruptly, and then a really amazing thing happened — circumstances fell into place, one by one, to get us the hell outta Dodge.

This morning I finally got it that I owe that crazy lady a debt of thanks.  For one thing, she didn’t truly wrong ME.  And for another, she didn’t deliberately try to kill my husband.  And all the theatre friends who “abandoned” us were simply living their own lives.   Finally, I can stop taking poison and expecting someone else to die.  After months of angst, I can unload the whole thing and celebrate the fact that what may have been meant for ill has resulted in boatloads of happiness.

And then I saw on Facebook that today really is the Epiphany.  Perfect.

move on

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Progress in the new year …

Today brings a quick overnight trip to get a trailer-load of items from our condo — more of the little things that make a house (loft) a home, plus our washer & dryer and Kim’s music equipment.  And then by next week at the latest I’ll be hoping to start turning over a few “new leaves.”  A daily post here on my blog, quality time spent at the piano, more walking, less eating … and there will be others.  I’m sure you noticed that I’m not calling these things “resolutions” — for me it would be the kiss of death and they would barely see daylight before shriveling up and crumbling in a big mess on the floor.

I hope 2014 has started out fresh and positive for everyone, and I hope above all to be here enough this year to get to know each of you a lot better!

newy

 

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Happy 2014 to all my friends!

HNY2014 for blog

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Every word is true …

A declaration for today from www.positiveoutlooksblog.com.

positive outlooks

 

 

 

 

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The falling leaves …

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This is the first time either of us has lived in a locale where the leaves turn anything but yellow or brown.  We’re loving the drama!

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Write from where it hurts …

Time to put some discipline into my days again and make my blog feel loved.  Summer has stopped me in my tracks and my brain feels like a sleepy wasteland.  I’m probably running from the very idea presented here …

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