Day 78 – 05/29/2020
Hello Diary, I’m still here. The weather was gray and rainy for most of the week, making it more challenging to ward off the sadz – sunshine removes the sting a little.
The ongoing loss of so many fellow Americans weighs heavy in the atmosphere but we can’t talk about it as a nation, deal with its implications now and for the future, or otherwise exorcise our disallowed grief. The deep sadness is always there.
The transformation of America from breadbasket and caring hand to the world, to a hate-filled isolationism that’s ME FIRST from the top down, is discouraging and worrisome, thus adding to the sad stack.
The willful ignorance by a third of the nation, leading to violent confrontation between proponents of science and those of bullshit, is sad-making.
The hateful determination to preserve a “separate but equal” status quo, equal being entirely arbitrary, leading to murder sanctioned by law, is unbearably sad and anger-generating.
The fact that I’m out of sync with people I love while we make our way through this supremely lonely piece of history is the ultimate sadness underlying all the rest, and I’m as powerless to fix that as I am any of the above.
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But where there’s sad… there’s happy. After waking up past midnight yesterday morning in anaphylactic distress, I took a little ambulance ride, did an overnight in the ER and survived to fight another day. I remember very little from when the paramedics put me on the gurney and wheeled me out of my bedroom until just before I was dismissed to come home, but I share this as a cautionary tale…
My hands, when I woke up, were swollen tight and itched so savagely I wanted to rip them off my arms, and the only thing different in my day on Wednesday had been spending about twenty minutes with needle and thread, reinforcing the ear-loop attachments on a mask that wasn’t MADE IN THE USA. The other symptoms were frightening, and I woke Kim up when my tongue started to swell – I know my limits.
Be wise, kids. And always try for the happy.
Playing for Time 
May 29, 2020 @ 14:59:16
I’m so glad you are all right. Have you determined what triggered the attack? What you’re allergic to?
It’s scary, I know. Been there. Not as bad. But close enough for me to know I NEVER want to do it again. Makes me scared to try certain new medicines, etc. I wouldn’t mind taking them sitting in an ER waiting room, and seeing if I have a reaction before resuming my daily activities.
Again, glad you pulled through it.
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May 30, 2020 @ 06:49:13
I have to assume there’s something in those masks I was handling – nothing else in my day was different and I’d been out of here exactly one time in 75 days. Makes me a little jumpy, though, wondering what else is going to pop up. One of the worst parts was the confusion – I was out of it, sister. Thank you for your well-wishes.
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